I needed these tips for the imperfect marriage when we married 10 years ago. Thank God, we have them now! When we first got married we’d argue and we’d fight. I remember trying to go to bed after arguing about something really important like dishes or laundry. In my mind, we had entered the verbal boxing ring, and I had one goal: WIN.
He had one goal also: SLEEP.
Finally, I’d think of a point SO GOOD he’d fall silent. I was sure he was speechless with my wisdom, and I would let the victory spur me into more knowledgeable insights and quotable thoughts. I was five minutes in before I’d recognize the sound of heavy breathing. He hadn’t just “drifted off,” the man was in some sort of euphoric coma. He had MISSED my moment and he still did not know that I was RIGHT.
I’d turn on all of the lights and open all my dresser drawers just to slam them again. I’d grab my water from his side of the bed by “accidentally” trampling him with all my limbs. When all else failed I would drive around town until two in the morning eating tacos. Finally, my passion would dwindle and I would go home, conceding only because I was sure he would be worried, that he’d be awake and right where I wanted him … in the depths of despair. Instead, he was snoring. Snoring is annoying.
We’ve been married almost 10 years now. Still, we fight. Not as much. But still, sometimes, I bring out all my ugly in front of him.
But I don’t think that’s because my marriage is hard.
We are vulnerable, we are raw and we show all our ugly because we are safe for each other. He loves me with my crap, and he tells me to stop it. And that’s what I need. My marriage is my best place to be real. Messy as it may be, it’s my favorite.
