“I took care of it.”
Those five words brought the biggest sigh of relief in my 21 years. I wasn’t ready for a kid, she wasn’t ready for a kid. It’s kind of like the saying goes, “You only know what you know”—and up to that point, all I knew is that kids draw on walls and ruin dreams.
Then I met Judah.
Judah is the son of some strangers who decided that the phrase “spare bedroom” didn’t apply to them. These strangers took me in and let me live with them when I was in my darkest of time.
When I first met this family, I wasn’t exactly stoked on kids. I still had this sense that kids slowed everything down. I wanted to change the world and didn’t have time for coloring books and episodes of Daniel Tiger.
I sat on the couch with my fancy leather jacket and $400 shoes, and he walked in wearing nothing but a smile. I’d never felt so uncomfortable in my life.
Little did I know he was about to multiply the size of my heart in ways I didn’t know were possible and change everything I ever knew about “purpose.”
This three-year-old kid quickly became one of my best friends. I don’t like to cry, but even just recently, I lost it looking at photos of the two of us together—back when he was still that three-year-old boy brutally mispronouncing my name.
Today, because of Judah, I know. I know that kids don’t ruin dreams, they fulfill them.
To be totally honest, I try not to think about the abortion. Like most life-altering mistakes, it’s easier to just be numb and forget than to go through it. Unfortunately, at the time, I bought into the biggest lie that I was told by those who knew about the pregnancy, “You’ll have to give up on your dreams.”
Because I had my girlfriend get the abortion, I went on to do what society would consider “incredible things.” I have over a billion views on YouTube, I’ve started careers for artists that are now making millions a year, I’ve even worked with artists I grew up idolizing as a kid.
Truth is, I couldn’t care less about any of that.
The phrase “I wish that I knew what I know now when I was younger” is not only the lyrics to an all-time classic, but a very common phrase adopted by our culture. Usually it applies to relationships or jobs or financial investments. For me, I wish I knew how much better my life could have been with a kid in it.
Would times be hard? Duh. Would I not have been to all those Grammy parties and fancy music studios? Nope. Instead, I’d be a dad. Praise God there’s grace for the worst of our sins.
Now, I’m the Marketing Director for Save the Storks. I didn’t take this job because I wanted to end abortion, I took this job because I want to make abortion unthinkable.
I want every woman walking into Planned Parenthood to know that kids don’t destroy dreams, they fulfill them.
If Judah’s parents had taken my road and chosen abortion, I’d be the same, broken, lost man I was four years ago. Instead, that kid makes my life worth waking up for.
Yes, men have abortions too, and yes, a few of us are fortunate enough to fall in love with kids and find forgiveness and redemption.
“We took care of it.”
“It.” Looking back, I can’t even believe I reduced someone as important as Judah to an “it.”
Praise God for His grace and praise God for making kids like Judah.
My life now has a purpose.