After being let go from his position as Senior Pastor of NewSpring church last year, pastor Perry Noble has opened up about the day in rehab he was prepared to shoot himself.
In an emotional Facebook video titled “The Day I Decided Not to Kill Myself,” Noble revealed that he’d considered taking his own life, and that God’s voice saved him.
The former megachurch pastor made headlines last June when he was fired from NewSpring Church in South Carolina. A moral failure of extensive alcohol abuse led to Noble’s very public dismissal from the church, followed closely by a separation from his wife and daughter before admitting himself to rehab.
“I was absolutely drinking too much,” he admitted in the video.
Noble revealed that his alcohol abuse was deeply rooted in pain he’d experienced as a young boy—having been molested at 6 years old.
“I did it wrong. I totally messed up. I turned to alcohol as my source,” he said, explaining that his actions were not Christ-like but rather seeking of temporary relief.
“When you are in pain, when something is broken, when something is hurting, temporary relief is better than no relief at all.”
Noble insisted that he was only detailing his experience, not justifying his actions.
Still, the immense pain, humiliation and downward spiral he’d found himself in were becoming too much to handle.
“Ultimately, I was fired. I wasn’t just fired, I was fired publicly. There was a lot of shame. Shame that I brought on myself. I’m not blaming anybody.”
Noble’s wife, Lucretia, made the decision to leave him and take with her their daughter, Charisse.
“I lose my job, my wife leaves me and I felt like those closest to me—whether true or not—abandoned me. I couldn’t get a return phone all, I just felt alone.”
It had all become too much to endure.
“I felt like a failure, I felt alone, I felt betrayed, and whether those feelings are true or not, that’s how I felt.”
Just four days after checking himself into rehab in Arizona, Noble made the decision to leave the program and take his own life.
“I had the spot picked out, I had the gun picked out, and I was going to literally take my own life,” he said, fighting back tears.
That night, he took a walk at the rehab center. Moments before he was about to leave and execute his plans, God intervened, and spoke directly to him.
“It was the clearest I’ve ever heard His voice. He told me, ‘I’m not finished with you yet.’”
The former pastor says it was just what he needed to hear in that moment to put things back into perspective.
“It was powerful, it kept me in the game.”
Noble says God’s voice didn’t change the way he was feeling, nor did it fix any of his circumstances. But in that moment, he no longer felt alone.
He admits that things have not gone the way he’d hoped, and that he and Lucretia have not come to a resolution. But one thing he is sure of is that God is faithful.
His voice saved Noble from taking his own life on that fateful day in the rehab center. Now the former pastor wants to share his story in hopes that God will use it to help others.
“It’s not a coincidence that you’re sitting at the other side of this computer listening to me tell my story. Maybe He is using me to spread that encouragement to you. If God can do it for me, He can do it for you. And He will. I absolutely believe that.”
Check out Perry Noble’s heartfelt video below:
The Day I Decided Not To Kill Myself
Posted by Perry Noble on Sunday, July 9, 2017
If you or someone you know is struggling with a mental illness, please know you are not alone. Suicide is completely preventable. PLEASE reach out if you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, or fear that someone you love might be.
If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, or text “START” to 741-741.