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When Your Husband Doesn’t Understand Your Anxiety

My husband recently told me he wishes that he knew what my anxiety felt like. He knows the stress of the night before a test, the fearful anticipation of a job interview, and the normal stressors of life — but he doesn’t know the anxiety that I know.

I’m guessing there are more of you spouses out there who want to help but don’t know what it feels like. Maybe it doesn’t even seem real because you just cannot comprehend it. And when you’re in the middle of panic, it’s kind of hard to describe what it feels like.

I’m going to do my best to explain.

Anxiety is…

The circles of thoughts in your head that go around and around and won’t go away. Knowing the future must be horrible, but feeling paralyzed by the fact that you really don’t know what it holds. The spiraling symptoms of heart racing, palms sweating, ears ringing. All from a trigger you didn’t know or expect.

You feel angry at yourself for not enjoying yesterday, yet being terrified of tomorrow.

You might hide away for days, or run from person to person seeking some sort of wisdom that makes you feel better.

You get angry that no one understands, and might even take it out on them.

You have a hard time getting going in the morning, yet you can’t fall asleep at night because your mind just. won’t. stop.

You do your best to appear OK, and feel neglected when everyone then assumes you’re OK. Because anxiety is, often, a silent struggle. It’s often used flippantly, as though it’s just a synonym for being worried.

But it’s real. And it sucks. It sucks so much, and speaking of, it sucks the life right out of you.

You feel completely fine one day, and smacked in the face with debilitating fear the next. You never quite know when the next big trigger could hit — it could be hours, days, or weeks.

It’s hearing the word test, and thinking of dying. It’s not being able to announce exciting news because you worry it will all go to pieces tomorrow. It’s feeling freaked out every time a family member drives somewhere because you envision car crashes in your head.

Anxiety has the ability to paralyze you. It’s wanting to get up and move, but being held down. It’s wanting to enjoy life, but thinking that if you do, everything [will] be ripped away from you.

Anxiety lies to you at every turn. It sucks the joy right out of you because you’re living as though the worst-case scenario for your life as already arrived.

Anxiety is real. And scary. And hard.

Having a spouse who takes you seriously is essential

For someone who doesn’t have anxiety, it’s easy to say that their anxious family member/friend is just being dramatic. That they just need to stop worrying, believe more, and get on with it.

While it’s true that being proactive is important, understanding that your spouse’s diagnosis is real is the first step in helping them. Because we know our worries are often irrational, we wish we could just stop, and we try our best.

Tayler Beede
Tayler Beede
Tayler Beede is a Christian wife, student, and brain tumor survivor. She writes with her mom (is that awesome or what?) about what happens when romance meets reality at the marriage blog Nitty Gritty Love. You can find more Nitty Gritty Love on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram.

11-Year-Old Killed While Protecting Pregnant Mother During Home Invasion

An 11-year old boy is dead after being stabbed to death while trying to protect his pregnant mother during a home invasion in Chicago,...

Kevin Bacon Surprises Students at High School Where ‘Footloose’ Was Filmed — Announces He’s Visiting Them for Prom

After some very serious lobbying from students at Payson High School in Payson, Utah, where “Footloose” was filmed, Kevin Bacon announced Friday that he would be returning to the high school for this year’s senior prom. 

“My Last Thought Was a Desperate Plea to God, ‘Lord, Give Me the Strength to Die Well’”: Mom With ‘Invisible Illness’ Shares Her Harrowing...

"'Help me to not look like I am suffocating,' I prayed. 'Lord, please protect my son’s heart from this.’ And I faded away."