7. It’s OK NOT to Get Married
While marriage is a huge sanctifier, it is not something God says is mandatory. If you aren’t ready for marriage, or if you do not want to get married, you are not sinning.
I am fearful the Christian community has irresponsibly coerced men and women into marriage through cultural pressure. There must be a secret bylaw passed down from the early church fathers, but once you reach the age of 25 you will be asked the question almost weekly…”When are you getting married?”
Can you imagine how constantly hearing this question from friends, family, and unsuspecting old ladies at church can make some people believe they have a problem?
If you aren’t ready to date, don’t allow the cultural pressure to override God’s plan.
Disclaimer: If you are single, understand it is your responsibility to steward your time well. Singleness is a gift from God, but singleness is not an excuse to be lazy. It is an opportunity to serve the Lord.
8. Have a community of Christians Around You.. And Listen to Them
Don’t date alone. This sounds lame. But so is marrying a sleezeball.
When you date, allow the community of people around to speak into your relationship. Your feelings can deceive you. Your friends are able to see inconsistencies and problems you can’t because they are outside the storm.
I know too many men and women who refused to listen to people around them, and their prideful arrogance resulted in a failed marriage. Don’t fall into this category. Find men and women you trust, and allow them to speak into your relationship.
9. Pursue a Pure Mind
“Sex before marriage is bad.” This was the extent of my understanding of Christian dating as a teenager and young adult.
And to my church’s credit, they drilled this one point home constantly. Like that annoying kid at church camp that wouldn’t leave you alone.
I heard don’t have sex before marriage so much I actually believed getting to marriage a virgin was the only important thing. The problem? In the process, I filled my heart and mind with lust, and I secretly struggled with pornography. Big uh oh.
What the church needs to teach is the importance of a pure mind. This requires discipline, restraint, and abstinence from activities that don’t promote holiness. But the sacrifice is worth the prize.
A pure mind might be the greatest gift you can give your future spouse. It allows you to jump into marriage with a clear conscience. No baggage. No comparisons. No regret. Just you, your spouse, and God.
A pure mind might be the greatest gift you can give your future spouse.
Don’t ever date someone that won’t honor purity with you. Ever.
Remember…If you are dating, you have not entered into the sacred bond of marriage. You have not made covenant vows to one another. So, the person you are dating is not yours.
Practice purity. But understand purity begins with the mind and heart.
10. Don’t Date If You Are Dependent on Someone for Things Only God Can Provide
If I could get on my knees and beg you to follow one of these principles, it would be this one. Dating and marriage are not for those who rely on another person for joy, peace, and purpose.
Co-dependent dating leads to co-dependent marriages. And co-dependent marriages will eventually crumble because the weight placed on them is too heavy.
God must be at the center of your life before you consider dating. If not, purity will take a back seat. Dating towards marriage will take a back seat. In fact, every principle discussed in this article is null and void without God at the center.
Don’t start dating without an assurance of God’s love for you and a solid understanding of the gospel.
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I hope this discussion continues. I pray parents, church leaders, friends, and family begin to spark conversations about God’s design for dating.
I believe these principles could change lives and alter eternities. If you want to share a story or have a principle to add to this list, leave a comment below.
I love you all. To God be the glory forever. Amen!
