7. He hates when you unload the big guns at 11 p.m.
Don’t wait until bedtime to bring up a topic of discussion that has the potential to put the two of you on opposites of an all-out battle until near dawn. If you need to have a conversation that has the potential for major conflict or emotion, do it early in the evening (or maybe save it for a morning when he’s home). Respect his need to get some rest.
8. He hates when you compare him to that “perfect guy” at church.
Your husband may not seem as “spiritual,” may not treat you the same way you see that “perfect guy” treat his wife, he may not sound as knowledgeable, or seem as interested in the sermon, but your husband probably has some worthy qualities that you may be missing because you’re so focused on what he’s “not.” Quit comparing him to other men — what good can come from you doing that? Why not ask God to open your eyes to see things that you’ve not yet appreciated about him?
9. He hates when you give him the silent treatment.
Whenever you use the silent treatment to manipulate him, it harms both of you. The silent treatment is a hostile punishment tool. Don’t make things more difficult by clamming up or stuffing your anger. If you’re hurt or angry, first go to God and ask Him to search your heart to see if the anger is righteous, or if there is some offense that needs to be discussed. Talk it out with your husband. Be honest and humble in your communication and remember — he’s not your enemy!
10. He hates when you use sex as a weapon.
The gift of sexual intimacy is to be an expression of unselfish love. It’s a physical demonstration of spiritual unity. Don’t withhold yourself to punish your husband and don’t use your intimacy as a bribing technique. Notice, I’m not saying allow your husband to abuse you or demand your sexual attention — sexual intimacy is meant to be an expression of unselfish love from both spouses, but I’m not talking to the husband today, I’m talking to us. Honor your marriage bed as sacred and love your husband well.
Have I sounded harsh today? I hope not, I just know how easy it is to slip into a disrespectful attitude that morphs into ugly treatment of those we love most and I’m challenging all of us today to set aside any of these things that are a common tendency in marriage. Common, but so destructive. And they are so “not” God-glorifying!
The reason for this blunt post is that I care for you. My husband and I spent many years in a miserable state. I’m ashamed to tell you that I was guilty of several of the points I listed above. You can watch our marriage video here. It might be helpful for you and your husband to watch our story together.
**This article originally appeared on KimberlyWagner.org.