This weekend, a lot of people are celebrating the band-aid placer, the boo boo fixer, the hairdresser, the taxi driver, the soccer coach, the chef, aka…the mom. I’m always so excited to meet moms who genuinely love their kids. It’s an interesting thing seeing my friends get excited when their phones ring and “Mom” comes across the screen. For many people, this weekend is a chance to spend time with a mother who, along the years, has turned into a dear friend. This isn’t everyone’s story. At least, it’s not mine. I’ve been told that “Mom doesn’t love you.”
About a year ago my mom chose to take off on our family. It’s a weird thing to think your mom doesn’t love you and she might never meet your wife or your kids. We can’t even talk on the phone anymore because of how twisted words get, all communication is done through email so there’s a record. Lately, conversations have been so repetitive that they’ve stopped all together. I know I’m not alone this weekend. I’m sure there are many of you who will be alone and so I thought I’d share just a few things that I try to remember that help me to forgive and help me to love.
When Mom Doesn’t Love You Remember These 3 Things
1. All have sinned
This is probably the most overused verse in my life. Unfortunately, it’s been said so many times that it’s lost all the power that it should hold. Growing up, we naturally idolize our parents. To be honest, on some level, without even realizing it I think my mom enjoyed it and even desired our worship at times. This had me putting her on a God shaped pedestal that she was never supposed to be on.
See, the big secret we forget about our parents is this…they’re sinners too.
Our parents struggle with the same idols we do and they are in just as much need of God’s grace as we are. This doesn’t mean I don’t get hurt by my mom, it just means I grieve instead of harbor anger towards her. Instead of taking her actions personally and thinking it’s her acting against me I realize it’s just the result of her sin. When we hate, we take the struggles and sins of others personally which prevents us from loving them through it.
2. You know Jesus because of HIS grace…not your intelligence
If you’re anything like me, you get annoyed when people don’t meet your expectations. Media and culture tell us that moms are superheroes, so why didn’t I feel this way about my mom? I judged her based off of commercials. We get mad when people fail us and so quickly forget how horribly we have failed God.
When we’re wrong, we become the lawyers defending our actions, when we’re right we become the judge ready to condemn.
I celebrate God’s victories in my life as if they were earned by me or deserved by me. I act as if I’m better than others. I’m not better than my mom. I am not without sin. I have celebrated God’s victory as if I’m the righteous one and in doing so I have dishonored the cross. Remembering that it is His righteousness, His strength, and His grace that is carrying me through all of this places my heart in a state of grief when I’m confronted with sin instead of a desire to condemn. God had His son killed to pay our sins, would you be willing to have your ego killed to save your mother by pointing her to Jesus?
3. The ultimate thing is Jesus, not the holidays, not the dinners, not the attitude of family members
What makes your holidays perfect? I know for me a lot of times this is a struggle. Everyone had to be early for Christmas, we all had to agree on the food, everyone had to want to play games, we all had to wear the same thing for family pictures, and if any one thing was off the day was ruined. I want my holidays to be this perfect Pinterest board that everyone is jealous of. What’s important is the people, not this imaginary picture of what perfect is in our minds and that isn’t what God wants for us. My Mother’s Day is going to be amazing because I’m spending it with people I care about. I know my sisters will be blessed by their families and I’m going to lunch with my dad. How awesome is it that?!?! I have so many little ones around me that remind me what’s important and give me the biggest smiles. I still grieve my moms loneliness this weekend and will definitely text her as phone conversations are still unhelpful. What makes my life and my holidays still hopeful is my Father, nothing else. I can have microwaved dinners on paper plates for Christmas and God will be with me, grieving the situation even more than I do.
I have hope because of who loves me in heaven, not on earth.
Let this Mother’s Day be driven by relationships. Ignore the mole hill differences and pray for the mountains. God made us different and that’s okay. If you’re without your mom today and you’ve been told mom doesn’t love you, that’s okay. It sucks, it hurts, but the good news is the most important thing, your salvation, is secured and you have a RELATIONSHIP with THE CREATOR. That’s something no mother could ever fill, no matter how good her homemade cookies are!