After being let go from his position as Senior Pastor of NewSpring church last year, pastor Perry Noble has opened up about the day in rehab he was prepared to shoot himself.
In an emotional Facebook video titled “The Day I Decided Not to Kill Myself,” Noble revealed that he’d considered taking his own life, and that God’s voice saved him.
Perry Noble
The former megachurch pastor made headlines last June when he was fired from NewSpring Church in South Carolina. A moral failure of extensive alcohol abuse led to Noble’s very public dismissal from the church, followed closely by a separation from his wife and daughter before admitting himself to rehab.
“I was absolutely drinking too much,” he admitted in the video.
Noble revealed that his alcohol abuse was deeply rooted in pain he’d experienced as a young boy—having been molested at 6 years old.
“I did it wrong. I totally messed up. I turned to alcohol as my source,” he said, explaining that his actions were not Christ-like but rather seeking of temporary relief.
“When you are in pain, when something is broken, when something is hurting, temporary relief is better than no relief at all.”
Noble insisted that he was only detailing his experience, not justifying his actions.
Still, the immense pain, humiliation and downward spiral he’d found himself in were becoming too much to handle.
“Ultimately, I was fired. I wasn’t just fired, I was fired publicly. There was a lot of shame. Shame that I brought on myself. I’m not blaming anybody.”
Noble’s wife, Lucretia, made the decision to leave him and take with her their daughter, Charisse.
Perry Noble
“I lose my job, my wife leaves me and I felt like those closest to me—whether true or not—abandoned me. I couldn’t get a return phone all, I just felt alone.”
It had all become too much to endure.
“I felt like a failure, I felt alone, I felt betrayed, and whether those feelings are true or not, that’s how I felt.”
Just four days after checking himself into rehab in Arizona, Noble made the decision to leave the program and take his own life.