Sister, I Am Done Apologizing for My Anxiety Making Me a Crappy Friend

“My anxiety and depression can make me a [crappy] friend, but I’m not sorry. ⁣
⁣
For as long as I can remember, I have always felt the need to apologize for my mental health struggles. I felt the need to over explain everything. I always felt the need to apologize for canceling plans. ⁣
⁣
My mental health struggles come and go. I have good days, and bad days. When I have bad days, or weeks even, I disappear.
⁣
I don’t answer many texts, I don’t make plans, and if I do, I cancel them. It makes me not a very dependable friend, sometimes. But I’m not sorry, anymore. ⁣
⁣
Sometimes I need to take a break from everyone. ⁣
⁣
Sometimes I need to take a step back and be alone, while I figure out what’s going on in my head. ⁣
⁣
Sometimes I feel ready to see you again, but I’m really not. I’m not ready to talk about the struggles I’m facing yet. ⁣
⁣
I have always felt the need to apologize, and I’m done. ⁣
⁣
I don’t choose to struggle with this. ⁣
I don’t choose to have my thoughts racing all day. ⁣
I don’t choose to have a war with my mind every day. ⁣
I don’t choose any of this. ⁣
⁣
I’m done apologizing for something I don’t have control over. ⁣
⁣
So, yes, sometimes, my mental health will make me a bad friend. But that’s only because it is needed for my own sake. ⁣
⁣
So I won’t apologize for that anymore. ⁣
⁣
I won’t apologize for doing what is best for me.⁣
⁣
And for the friends who have stuck around while I cancel plans, go radio silent, and patiently wait until I’m ready to talk, you’re the real ones. And I’m lucky to have you. ⁣
⁣
But, I’m not sorry for doing what I need to do to make my mental health a little bit better. ⁣
⁣
I’m not apologizing anymore.”

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Caitlin Fladager (@caitlinfladager)