I’ve always been the kind of person who wanted to be liked by everyone. I didn’t expect to be homecoming queen or anything, but I did want to be the type of person anyone could get along with. Growing up I always tried to be the friend that could keep a secret, and the person least likely to gossip (which is actually kinda hard). The thought of someone disliking me always bothered me, and even as I’ve gotten older I don’t like broken relationships or rocking the boat. I hate confrontation. It’s actually makes me shake. I get that quivering feeling in the pit of my stomach, my heart rate increases, and that sensation of dread comes over me. As a teenager this quality made me a target, but as an adult it’s probably made me a good ally. The point is you won’t find me picking an argument, and standing up for myself is actually hard for me.
These qualities are good and bad. I’d like to think they’re mostly good. I’m quick to forgive, I don’t sweat the small stuff, and it takes a lot to make me call it quits. But sometimes you just have to. This is something I’m realizing the older I get. I don’t have to be friends with everyone, and while I still feel called to love my fellow man, I’m learning that I can love some from a distance.
I recently found myself in a situation where a longtime acquaintance said something hurtful to me. The thing was it wasn’t the first time this had happened, and not even the second. With each situation, I had pushed it aside, after much time spent mulling it over incessantly in my mind, and then I had moved on without saying a word. In my heart, I knew that I probably wasted more time upset about it than I should, whereas the other person probably didn’t give it a second thought. If I’ve learned anything so far in life it’s that different people are wired different. Some people care too much, while others care too little. But finally I was in a place where I could honestly ask myself why I was allowing an individual into my life who only caused me stress, and more importantly didn’t seem to even notice that they did.