Singer Carrie Underwood has ridden on a wave of stardom since she won American Idol in 2005. After winning seven Grammy awards, marrying the man of her dreams, hockey player Mike Fisher, and having a child, Isaiah, it seems Underwood is living the picture-perfect American Dream.
But little do many know, she’s been facing some catastrophic internal battles over the last year.
In an emotional interview with CBS Sunday Morning’s Tracy Smith, the country music star opened up about the three miscarriages she suffered in 2017 and early 2018.
“I’d kind of planned that 2017 was, you know, going to be the year that I work on new music, and I have a baby,” said the 35-year-old. “We got pregnant early 2017, and didn’t work out.”
Like always, Underwood relied on her faith to navigate through her grief.
“And that was the thing, in the beginning, it was like, ‘Okay, God, we know this is, just wasn’t Your timing,'” said Underwood. “‘And that is all right. We will bounce back and figure our way through it.’”
When another miscarriage followed in the spring of 2017 and the beginning of 2018, she was hit with a whirlwind of emotion, but she was always scared to get angry because she had been given such a blessed life:
“I had always been afraid to be angry because we are so blessed. And my son, Isaiah, is the sweetest thing. And he’s the best thing in the world. And I’m like, ‘If we can never have any other kids, that’s okay, because he’s amazing. And I have this amazing life. Like, really, what can I complain about? I can’t. I have an incredible husband, incredible friends, an incredible job, an incredible kid. Can I be mad? No’…And I got mad.”
Then one night, when the singer thought she was about to have yet another miscarriage, she hit her knees and cried out to God in prayer like never before.
“I was just sobbing,” said Underwood during her prayer of desperation. “And I was like why on earth do I keep getting pregnant if I can’t have a kid? Like what is this? Shut the door. Do something. Either shut the door or let me have a kid. And for the first time, I feel like I actually told God how I felt, and I feel like we’re supposed to do that.”