Relationships

Christian Sex: 6 Steps to Fulfilling Sexual Intimacy in Marriage

christian sex

Christian sex is the union between a husband and wife within marriage. It entails the complete consummation of body, soul, and spirit as the couple fully becomes one. Money and sex tend to be the top two areas for marital strife. Of the two, sexual problems usually have a more devastating impact that can rock a marriage to its core. The sexual temperature within marriage, defined as the level of mutual sexual satisfaction, usually reflects the overall health of a marriage.

If a marriage is healthy and connected, both partners typically report relatively frequent and fulfilling sex. However, if a marriage is unhealthy and disconnected, one or both partners usually report infrequent and unsatisfying sexual contact. Sex is also usually one of the first things to enter a romantic relationship when things are going well and one of the first things to disappear when things turn south.

Unfortunately, many men feel sexually unsatisfied in their marriages while women tend to feel used just for their bodies. Obviously, learning how to have fulfilling Christian sex within marriage is essential. The first step to a satisfying sex life within marriage is developing a close friendship with your spouse.

Sex tends to be one of the most powerful forces on Earth, evident by the high rate of sexual misconduct we see all around us. It’s rare to go longer than a few weeks without some high ranking official being caught in some type of sexually explicit excursion. Why would someone who seemingly has it all, high paying job, beautiful family, etc, throw it all away for sex? One of the answers is because the power and pull of sex can often be overwhelming, especially for men.

One example was the rise and fall of Gil Jones, a pastor who brought a fledgling Flatirons Church in Colorado from a few hundred to [10,000] all within a few years. On the outside he seemed to have the perfect life, rising stardom, skyrocketing church, and a beautiful wife and children; however, he started having an affair with a woman on staff, which ultimately led to his demise both personally and professionally.

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Unfortunately, stories like this are common and they reveal over and over the blinding power of sexual sin that leads people to [risk] it all for only a few moments of pleasure.

Since God created Christian sex, He knows how destructive it can be if used in the wrong context, which is why He set very specific boundaries for it within marriage.

“Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.” (1 Corinthians 6:18, KJV)

As with all things in the Bible, God has our best interest in mind and wants us to live abundant lives by following His mandates. One analogy for sex is a river, if it is contained within the banks (marriage) the water can flow beautifully and powerfully. However, if the river exceeds the banks and spills over into the landscape surrounding it (sex outside of marriage) great devastation can occur.

Everyone knows the risk of unwanted pregnancy and STD’s. However, there’s also the risk of premarital sex preventing young relationships from continuing long-term because it often stunts the tender development of other areas of crucial intimacy, such as spiritual, emotional, and mental. In addition, sexual intimacy creates a chemical connection that binds two people together, leading to heartache and regret when relationships end because of the special physical bond that was created.

More and more, Christian sex preserved for marriage is viewed as outdated and old fashioned. However, it’s essential we come back to this ageless truth to live out God’s design and experience His blessings from it.

Unfortunately, our culture has experienced a loosening of sexual behavior over the past 50 years. Media giants learned early on that “sex sells.” Therefore, they use it every moment they can by lacing sensuality through commercials, ads, programs, movies, etc. Many Christian men allow themselves to be inundated with these images and messages and have not trained their hearts and minds for purity by filtering through this daily bombardment.

Instead, they often have varying levels of sexual indulgence ranging from pornography to lusting over women’s bodies they see in the media and public. Without a doubt, God created men to be visual and to feel attracted to the female body, which is clear in multiple Scripture passages dating back to B.C.

“…Your graceful legs are like jewels, the work of an artist’s hands. Your navel is a rounded goblet that never lacks blended wine…Your breasts are like two fawns, like twin fawns of a gazelle…Your hair is like royal tapestry…Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit. I said, “I will climb the palm tree; I will take hold of its fruit. May your breasts be like clusters of grapes on the vine…and your mouth like the best wine” (Song of Solomon 7:1-9, NIV).

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Dr. Wyatt Fisher
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Dr. Wyatt Fisher is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and Marriage Counselor in Boulder, CO. He's passionate about helping couples experience deep satisfaction in their relationships.

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