Michelle Thomas is looking for the same thing as everyone else, love. Like millions of people are doing to find it, she created an online dating profile. It didn’t take long before she met a guy and became comfortable enough with him to actually go out on a date. She had heard horror stories of online dating but their time together was actually nice! They had dinner, some drinks, even a good night kiss. She fell asleep with hope for what might come, not expecting it would be the worst.
The next day she found a note from the man she calls ‘Simon’ in her inbox, and by note we mean very long letter, explaining how she was almost the one but her body wasn’t good enough.
He told her, “I would marry you like a shot if you were a slip of a girl because what you have in that mind of yours is utterly unique, and I really really love it.”
Michelle is a strong woman but his letter would make even the most confident begin to question and for a moment, Michelle began to doubt her self worth. After surveying the damage and pulling herself together, she decided to respond to his message and share her heart with the world.
She started by saying she understands attraction is a rarity. In fact, sometimes you can’t understand why you’re not attracted to somewhen when you’d really like to be, it’s just the way it is. Then she goes on to share her issues with his message:
“What isn’t fine,” she writes, “is the fact that, after a few hours in my company, you took the time to write this utterly uncalled-for message… You stirred a dormant fear that every woman who was ever a teenage girl has – that it doesn’t matter how funny you are, how clever, how kind, how passionate, how loyal, how determined or adventurous or vibrant – if you’re a stone overweight, no one will ever find you desirable.”
What actually hurt Michelle the most was the fact that while she wouldn’t see him again, his daughter would, and she feared that his daughter is getting the same message that she did, skinny=pretty. So she challenged Simon to love his daughter and teach her to love herself with confidence.
“Praise her intellect, and her creativity. Push her to push herself and to be fearless. Give her the tools to develop a bomb-proof sense of self-esteem so that if (I’ll be kind. I’ll say “if”.) the time comes that a small, unhappy man attempts to corrode it, she can respond as I do now.”
She’s not a size 0. She’s not trying to be. While Simon’s words hurt she is reminded that she’s beautiful just the way she is and whoever she ends up with needs to agree. She’s looks like herself and that’s beautiful. That’s all that matters.