My Dearest Child,
I’m sorry. I’m sorry I made you cry. I know I don’t have a choice right now, but when I saw that the tears were gonna come I almost broke down myself. You miss me; I get it.
When you told me you were sad that I had to work, I felt so helpless. I understand this is hard for you, and it’s hard for me too. You’re my baby.
I can remember when you were a fat, 6-month-old bundle of joy. I worked five days a week, and when I came home it felt like we ate dinner and then it was time to go to bed. Saturdays were chocked full of housework and errands, and then Sunday always went by like the speed of light. I hated it!
You! Precious, chubby, smiley you! You were the best thing that had ever happened to me, and all I wanted to do in life was be around you, to soak you up like a thirsty sponge. We figured it out, and I found a nursing position where I could work part-time. I got five days a week in a row at home with you. We did that for the next seven years! So believe me when I say this is hard for us both.
I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry you miss me, and while I’m honored that you do, it makes me sad that my absence causes you pain. If it helps any, I miss you too.
Last night after I had held you a long time, dried your tears from your face and played with your hair, you had asked me a question.
“Will you always have to go to work?” You asked.
I wasn’t sure how to answer. We talked about Heaven, we talked about the present being a drop in the bucket of eternity. We talked about God’s will, His plan for our life and full-time ministry, and then, of course, we talked about His timing. All heavy subjects for a 7-year-old, but I know you’re a smart girl.
I don’t know how long I’ll be working full-time. All I know is that sometimes many times moms have to work out of the home to provide for their babies. Daddies too. We work because we love you and we want to provide for you, but never think that Mommy doesn’t miss you too. I do! So very much.
This season where Mommy works more is a transition for us all, my dear. But I know what I’ve been learning from it. And this morning the Lord impressed upon me that you are learning the same thing too.
Often times when a situation is new and hard, it’s an opportunity to press even closer into Jesus. It’s a chance to draw from His strength, to depend on Him for your joy, not present circumstances that you cannot change. When things are scary, different, and especially challenging, it’s a wonderful opening to magnify and fortify your relationship with the Lord. Throughout this new season I can see God stretching me and refining me into the daughter He knows I can be. For years now a morning prayer of mine for you and your sisters is this:
I pray, Lord, that they may continue to grow in grace in beauty, but also in strength of character. But most importantly I pray that they will grow in relationship with you. I pray they will be women after your own heart, women who seek your face.
I believe the Lord is using this opportunity to answer my prayers while also refining you into the daughter He knows you can be.
I’m proud of you, always, my firstborn love. I’m sorry I made you cry, but I’m grateful God placed such a tender-hearted, sweet child in my life. Mommy misses you too when I am at work, but know that I am doing what I need to do right now for our family. I know you will remember this change and time of our lives in your future years to come, and I pray the Lord can speak to you great things through it. He certainly is me.
P.S. I’m off the next 3 days!