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3 Ways to Fight for Your Marriage When You’re Tempted to Throw in the Towel

"People were placing bets at our wedding. Nobody thought we had a chance."

How to Deal With a Lying Husband and Get a Better Marriage

"I can still remember vividly the look on my husband’s face as regretful tears fell and he lay broken before me."

One Year After “I Do,” Husband Realizes Why Marriage Isn’t for Him

They met when they were 15 and were best friends for 10 years—but after being married just 1 year, the truth hit him HARD.

What I Realized the Day I Finally Got “Skinny Enough”

I loved to dance when I was little, but I eventually stopped taking lessons. I was tired of always being the biggest one, needing the biggest costume, sucking in my stomach, hoping something would fit.

I wanted to look like my mother and grandmother—small, dark-haired, fine-boned, like blackbirds or Russian princesses. Instead, I looked like a Dutch peasant from a Brueghel painting. I looked like I belonged in a Beef: It’s What’s for Dinner commercial, and all I wanted was to be a fine, black-winged bird.

Growing Up Feeling “Too Big”

Some of my most painful memories involve trying to find something to wear. As a chubby adolescent, I was always between sizes. I ended up in cobbled-together outfits, held together with safety pins, feeling like an impostor.

Shopping was a nightmare, made worse by my size-two mother who would say, “Hmmm… is that a little tight?” Every time. Yes, Mom. Everything I’ve ever tried on has been a little tight. My whole life feels a little tight.

Being too big was a liability. It made me an outsider. And it certainly didn’t help my dating life.

I heard the fateful phrases a thousand times:
“You’re just like a sister.”
“You’re not the kind of girl guys date—you’re the kind of girl they marry.”

Which, now that I am married, is a compliment. But when you’re fifteen and just want to get asked to homecoming, being “marriage material” is as thrilling as having a “good personality.” Who wants a good personality when you could have a cute butt?

The Lie I Believed About My Body

Birthdays were especially hard. Each year, I thought, This time, by this birthday, I’ll be my new self. But I never was.

I’d have a moment alone at my party—blinded by sadness—knowing I’d drag the same shame into another year. And yet, hope would resurface: This is the year. This one.

I shopped defensively, hiding behind the “right” clothes. I watched my friends shop for fun—it was as foreign to me as breathing underwater.

I had pages torn from J.Crew catalogs, filled with the clothes I’d buy once I was thin. I knew life would be easier then. But that life never came.

Shauna Niequist
Shauna Niequisthttp://www.shaunaniequist.com
Shauna Niequist is the New York Times best-selling author of Cold Tangerines, Bittersweet, Bread & Wine, Savor, and Present Over Perfect. She is married to Aaron, and they live in Chicago with their sons, Henry & Mac. Shauna is a bookworm, a beachbum, and a passionate gatherer of people, especially around the table. See more from Shauna on her website.

3 Ways to Fight for Your Marriage When You’re Tempted to Throw in the Towel

"People were placing bets at our wedding. Nobody thought we had a chance."

How to Deal With a Lying Husband and Get a Better Marriage

"I can still remember vividly the look on my husband’s face as regretful tears fell and he lay broken before me."

One Year After “I Do,” Husband Realizes Why Marriage Isn’t for Him

They met when they were 15 and were best friends for 10 years—but after being married just 1 year, the truth hit him HARD.