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“Are You Kidding Me?!” Daughters’ Reaction to Parents Surprising Them With a New Baby Is Everything

The couple got "the call" and left their house early the next morning while the kids were still asleep...

Hunky Husband Is Asked If He’ll Leave Wife After a Fire Destroys Her Looks—His Response Is Perfect

A freak grassfire left her with extreme burns over 65% of her body...

“He Was Wearing a Life Jacket”: Mom Posts Warning After Toddler Drowns in ‘Mere Seconds’

"I split a brownie with him. I still had the other half of the brownie in my mouth when I found my son... Mere moments, seconds."

What I Realized the Day I Finally Got “Skinny Enough”

I loved to dance when I was little, but I eventually stopped taking lessons. I was tired of always being the biggest one, needing the biggest costume, sucking in my stomach, hoping something would fit.

I wanted to look like my mother and grandmother—small, dark-haired, fine-boned, like blackbirds or Russian princesses. Instead, I looked like a Dutch peasant from a Brueghel painting. I looked like I belonged in a Beef: It’s What’s for Dinner commercial, and all I wanted was to be a fine, black-winged bird.

Growing Up Feeling “Too Big”

Some of my most painful memories involve trying to find something to wear. As a chubby adolescent, I was always between sizes. I ended up in cobbled-together outfits, held together with safety pins, feeling like an impostor.

Shopping was a nightmare, made worse by my size-two mother who would say, “Hmmm… is that a little tight?” Every time. Yes, Mom. Everything I’ve ever tried on has been a little tight. My whole life feels a little tight.

Being too big was a liability. It made me an outsider. And it certainly didn’t help my dating life.

I heard the fateful phrases a thousand times:
“You’re just like a sister.”
“You’re not the kind of girl guys date—you’re the kind of girl they marry.”

Which, now that I am married, is a compliment. But when you’re fifteen and just want to get asked to homecoming, being “marriage material” is as thrilling as having a “good personality.” Who wants a good personality when you could have a cute butt?

The Lie I Believed About My Body

Birthdays were especially hard. Each year, I thought, This time, by this birthday, I’ll be my new self. But I never was.

I’d have a moment alone at my party—blinded by sadness—knowing I’d drag the same shame into another year. And yet, hope would resurface: This is the year. This one.

I shopped defensively, hiding behind the “right” clothes. I watched my friends shop for fun—it was as foreign to me as breathing underwater.

I had pages torn from J.Crew catalogs, filled with the clothes I’d buy once I was thin. I knew life would be easier then. But that life never came.

Shauna Niequist
Shauna Niequisthttp://www.shaunaniequist.com
Shauna Niequist is the New York Times best-selling author of Cold Tangerines, Bittersweet, Bread & Wine, Savor, and Present Over Perfect. She is married to Aaron, and they live in Chicago with their sons, Henry & Mac. Shauna is a bookworm, a beachbum, and a passionate gatherer of people, especially around the table. See more from Shauna on her website.

“Are You Kidding Me?!” Daughters’ Reaction to Parents Surprising Them With a New Baby Is Everything

The couple got "the call" and left their house early the next morning while the kids were still asleep...

Hunky Husband Is Asked If He’ll Leave Wife After a Fire Destroys Her Looks—His Response Is Perfect

A freak grassfire left her with extreme burns over 65% of her body...

“He Was Wearing a Life Jacket”: Mom Posts Warning After Toddler Drowns in ‘Mere Seconds’

"I split a brownie with him. I still had the other half of the brownie in my mouth when I found my son... Mere moments, seconds."