“He’s just a friend.” Well, something like that . . . and a lot more.
I’ve used this excuse before and man, I couldn’t count the number of times I had to lie and convince myself that he really was just—a friend. But deep within my heart, I know that he’s so much more than what I brand him for. But I had to deny . . . because I also knew that despite of the fact that I’ve grown feelings for him, he wasn’t just God’s plan.
God’s Plan for Love
Sure, he made me happy. He kind of made me feel special and loved, somehow. He was a shoulder to cry on, the secret-keeper kind of person and the man I thought I want to end up with. But the amount of happiness he gave was nothing compared to the pain he gave when he acted like he just doesn’t care—that I didn’t matter. That he can just hurt me all over again because he knows that when he comes back, I’ll be there waiting for him. He hid too many secrets, but most of them were about me—us if there was such a thing. Sometimes, he tells me that he likes me. The next day, he’s into someone else. And it broke my heart to see myself begging for love, attention, and validation from someone who clearly doesn’t see my worth. I got tired fighting for a battle that I shouldn’t have entered in the first place.
Unrequited love, in real life, isn’t romantic at all. It wounds and scars hearts, in the most traumatic way possible.
I prayed about him, though. But for most of those times, I was bargaining with God. That maybe He could work things out for the both of us. Maybe one day, that guy is going to encounter Jesus and I want to be there for him. I was willing to wait until that time comes because I’ve already invested too many emotions and I can’t just let go anymore. So, I begged God. Cried out to Him and even told Him that He was so unfair because He couldn’t make things easier for us. I started questioning His faithfulness in my life . . . but I realized that God wasn’t the problem. My heart was.
I allowed my heart to deceive me. I put my guards down and made too many little compromises. Until I fell hard enough for me not to be able to get back up. Hard enough to break my heart and cry myself to sleep at night. And it was so painful. So painful that even the thought of waking up the next morning only to feel the hurt disgusts me.
But God met me in the midst of my brokenness. He picked up all the broken pieces of my soul and placed them into His hands. He wiped the tears I thought were endless. He mended my contrite spirit and helped me get up on my knees.
At the feet of the Almighty, I surrendered all the pain, hurt, insecurities, and feeling of unworthiness. And I’ve never felt so broken yet loved and healed at the same time. God had been the only comfort I needed during that time. Truly, His love heals. His love restores and brings hope. His love causes us to forgive others for treating us badly and forgive ourselves for all the wrong things we’ve done. His love brings new beginnings and His grace is enough.
Slowly, the miracle of His love became more tangible. Because of the renewed heart that He has given, I was able to move forward from that season—taking all the lessons learned, charged to experience.
God’s Plan For Love. I learned that:
1. You can’t be Jesus to people.
By this, I mean, you can’t save them. Some Christians who have a relationship with non-Christians often hope for the day to come that that person might come to the saving knowledge of Christ. Sure, that time may come and we’re not discounting the fact that God can make miracles. However, that person may also not encounter Jesus no matter how much you preach the gospel to him and drag him to church.
If the latter happens, the question is—are you sure you want to invest your time, emotion, and attention into someone who doesn’t pursue Jesus as much you do? Are you sure that it’s worth it to be yoked with someone who doesn’t have the same convictions as you do? Are you sure you want to be with someone who doesn’t love and follow Jesus?
