Indifference equals hatred.
Wow. That is a strong statement. But I think it is a true one. Our pastor said this in a message recently and it jumped out at me because while I know our marriage has a lot of issues, indifference is not one of them. Now, I may tell my spouse I feel he is ignoring me, or acting indifferent, but this usually turns into an argument. Which then leaves me feeling like we are failures. Then our pastor said this:
If you argue and have friction, at least it means you care.
At this, my husband nudged me with his elbow and we had a moment together. We felt so successful because we argue. That was a first.
Many people give up because they “just can’t get along.” They divorce because “all they do is fight.” Well, I hate to say this, but what two people can always get along? Adam and Eve had major communication problems and their sons clearly had friction as well, and they were fresh off the press. Fighting and failure is inevitable. What makes anyone think they can escape it?
My kids have asked me why countries have to go to war, and I remind them that they have tiny wars with their own siblings each day, so it only makes sense that if two people fight, then two countries full of people are going to fight. Despite our best efforts, World Peace isn’t going to happen while sinful people are running things.
If you fight, I don’t think that means you have a bad marriage, It means you are human. Now, what you do with those arguments is what really counts. Here is what we have learned, and I am telling you, it has literally saved our marriage.
1. Fight, but repent and reconcile.