Please do not hear me saying that if you just trust God and obey him, all your sexual struggles will vanish. That is not true. What I am saying is that true pleasure comes from receiving what God has given us by faith, and trusting that he is good, and intends it for our good (Psalm 119:68).
True pleasure is not found finally in having an amazing sex life, but in an amazing God. Bring your sexual satisfaction and sexual dysfunction to Jesus, because that is the ultimate goal of it all: to bring you closer to him.
2. Communication makes intimacy more intimate.
Simply making love in days of joy and sorrow won’t bring you closer to your spouse. Intimacy is cultivated through communication. Have regular conversations about how things are going in this area and how you can serve each other better. Talking honestly and listening to each other about intimate issues is part of God’s plan to draw you closer together.
3. Contentment in sex comes from delighting in God.
You can have the best spouse on the planet and enjoy the most fulfilling sex life imaginable, and still this fact remains: if our hearts are not satisfied in God, they will never be satisfied. Spouses can be wonderful helpers, but they are sorry saviors. The best way to have a blessed sex life is to delight in the God who gives the gift. Jesus is always better than any gift he gives you, including sex in marriage.
To the Unmarried
1. Don’t buy counterfeit pleasures.
Satan will provide many opportunities to satisfy your sexual frustration. But the fleeting flames of pornography or empty flings of premarital sex only end up stealing the very pleasure you are looking for. I realize it feels crazy to resist, especially when no end is in sight, but God promises to help you. By clinging to him in the battle, you will find the true joy that sexual sin can never provide.
2. Protect your future marriage.
Marriage is tough enough as it is. But if you fill your heart with sexual images and experiences, you set yourself and your future spouse up for unnecessary added difficulty. If God gives you a spouse, that person will be what you really need. Filling your heart with unrealistic or unfair expectations can end up hindering the intimacy God has for you in the future.
3. Find contentment in God today.
Remember that your fulfillment as a person is not dependent on being sexually or romantically fulfilled. Jesus was never married, never romantically involved, and never had sex. Yet Jesus was the most fully human and complete person who has ever lived.
Now you might think, Yeah, thanks, but I’m not Jesus. I get it. But please hear this: sexual pleasure will never ultimately satisfy you. A wonderful spouse will never fulfill you. Neither sex nor spouse can do what only God can. Seek to be satisfied in him, and if God gives you a spouse, you’ll be free to enjoy him or her all the more.