Exclusive Content:

Candace Cameron Bure Celebrates 28 Years of Marriage With Sweet Instagram Post

Candace Cameron Bure took to Instagram over the weekend with a walk down memory lane as she celebrated 28 years with husband, Valeri Bure.

Who is Dylan Beard? Walmart Employee Shocks the Competition, Sets Sights on Paris 2024

When Dylan Beard showed up at the Millrose Games at The Armory in New York City in February, no one knew who he was. 7.44 seconds later, he became the third fastest hurdler in the world. When it was over, he returned to his day job at the Walmart deli counter in Wake Forest, NC.

WATCH: Mom Catches Adorable Moment Twin Babies “Meet” Each Other for the First Time

A pair of twin babies are making the internet swoon this week after a video captured by their mom shows the heartwarming moment the two brothers “met” each other for the first time. 

He Never Hit Me

Warning: This post contains descriptions of intimate partner abuse and may be triggering to some.

How many times did I find myself on his bathroom floor cowering beneath him, feeling the hot spit land on me as he screamed? Stop crying like a baby. You’re crazy. No one else would put up with you. How many times did I shudder on that floor counting my breaths, bringing myself back from the brink of suffocation during a panic attack that was triggered by one of these maniacal and regular assaults? But he never hit me.

How many hours did I remain on that bathroom floor after he had gone to bed, my eyes red with burst blood vessels? How many times did I hear the sound of his snores and realize he had fallen asleep, no more than a meter away, to the sound of me hyperventilating while still in the throes of that panic attack? How many times did I whisper aloud, “How did I get here? How did I become this woman?” How many times did I tell myself to get up, call a cab, and walk out the front door? How many times did I get up and look in that mirror and fail to recognize myself? How much hate could I have for the broken woman staring back at me? But he never hit me.

How many times did I crawl into that bed, rather than into a cab, and wake up with his arms around me, telling me that I brought it out in him? He wasn’t like this. I made him like this. I needed to change the way I approached him about these things. Be less accusatory. If I just softened my approach, it would allow him to react differently. How many times did I adjust my approach before I realized the only way to avoid the abuse was not to bring it up at all? But he never hit me.

How many emails and text messages did I find? How many parties did we attend knowing that one of the women was there? I learned quickly not to address it so that “I” wouldn’t ruin a perfectly nice evening. When his family member asked me if a lipstick she had found under the couch was mine, I threw it away and said nothing more of it. Neither did she. Another humiliation taken in silence. But he never hit me.

How many times did he tell me he was going to sleep, out for dinner with a client, couldn’t hear his phone, but actually taking out another woman? How many times did he ignore my calls and call the next morning telling me nothing had happened? It was sadistic. I could see how much he enjoyed being that powerful. How many defamatory lies did he concoct and propagate to my old colleagues and friends when I walked away from him? How many times did he smear my reputation? How many times did I go back, believing every promise that he was a new man, believing every half-hearted apology? But he never hit me.

How many times did a friend pick me up because he had kicked me out of bed in the middle of the night for questioning him about one of the women? How many times did I go back before those friends had had enough. How many times did I defend him and justify his behavior when I told a friend about what he had done? When did I stop telling anyone altogether to avoid the shame of the insanity of the circumstances I was somehow in — the shame of being a strong independent woman who couldn’t take care of herself enough to leave a situation that was so toxic? When did I stop expecting more? But he never hit me.

How could I explain to someone that I believed it was partly my fault, even though I was embarrassed to hear those beaten woman’s words spoken from my lips. No one really understood. No one knew him like I did. It was my job to protect him from the truth of what he did to me. I couldn’t let them think he was a monster. I wouldn’t tell anyone. I was entirely alone. But he never hit me.

My solitude meant that I could no longer see the reflection in other people’s eyes indicating what was normal. I could only see the reflection in his eyes and began to believe what he told me about myself. I began to believe his irrational explanations despite my own heart and eyes. I let him define reality. I became isolated. It became easier to cut off my support networks completely than to have to lie about everything. Than to face the humiliation of my reality. A part of me knew that once they knew the extent of what was happening, they would force me to get out for good. I wouldn’t be able to go back. I knew I would always need to even in the worst of times. But he never hit me.

Reut Amit
Reut Amit
Reut Amit lives in Vancouver, British Columbia where she works at a commercial litigation firm. She holds a Master of Arts in Diplomacy and Conflict Studies from the IDC Herzliya and a J.D. from the University of Victoria. She writes essays and opinion pieces about feminism, politics, law and public policy. Follow her on Twitter @reutamit

Candace Cameron Bure Celebrates 28 Years of Marriage With Sweet Instagram Post

Candace Cameron Bure took to Instagram over the weekend with a walk down memory lane as she celebrated 28 years with husband, Valeri Bure.

Who is Dylan Beard? Walmart Employee Shocks the Competition, Sets Sights on Paris 2024

When Dylan Beard showed up at the Millrose Games at The Armory in New York City in February, no one knew who he was. 7.44 seconds later, he became the third fastest hurdler in the world. When it was over, he returned to his day job at the Walmart deli counter in Wake Forest, NC.

WATCH: Mom Catches Adorable Moment Twin Babies “Meet” Each Other for the First Time

A pair of twin babies are making the internet swoon this week after a video captured by their mom shows the heartwarming moment the two brothers “met” each other for the first time.