“I belong to me, before I belong to anyone else.
One of the things I struggled most with in recovery is creating a sense of belonging. Do you know how hard that is when you can’t simultaneously please everyone, no matter how hard you try?
When we give others the power to mold us into their expectations, we find ourselves squeezed, prodded, stretched, and still unable to win. We may pacify others temporarily, but we always have to betray our own needs in order to do so.
The other thing I’ve learned, is that there is simply no way to please everyone. Every part of being a product of a broken family is a double-edged sword. There is no way for me to be exactly what other people want from me. If I were to try to make ONE person happy, I would make 10 more unhappy, and worst of all- no matter who I tried to please, I would never be doing what was in my best interest. There is literally no winning this way. There is only self-harm while trying desperately to balance the scales.
There. Is. No. Winning.
The only way to have something even remotely resembling a win, is to worry about our own needs.
We get ONE life to live, one. Don’t be afraid to take up space and serve yourself for once in your life. You are not selfish, you are being bucked for boundaries, self-care, and refusal to self-sacrifice.
This is a heavy burden to carry every single day, but it can make one specific time of year a nightmare.
Yep, you already know where I’m going with this:
The holidays are coming, have you started thinking about what you need at ALL, or are you already stressing about which parent you’re going to upset, and how you’re going to please everyone? It’s no wonder you dread the holidays every year.
Listen to me, you who are already being dragged into multiple group texts, guilt tripped, and feeling like the middle of the rope in a game of tug-of-war, with fragments of your own heart pulling you in every direction.
It is NOT your job to run yourself ragged trying to be everything to everyone. Especially when you could travel 5,000 miles in one weekend and still have multiple people mad at you for not doing enough, or mad at you for trying to share time. (Yes, I have tried this too, I tried it for a decade and found that I still lost, no matter what).
Your family does not care that your kids are spending their entire holiday in the car instead of making memories, robbing them of their childhoods. They don’t care that you’ll wind up exhausted. They only care if you show up for THEM… but how many times have they truly shown up for YOU this year? All they have to do is stay home and complain, and get their way time and time again. They don’t care about the effect it has on you, how it makes you feel torn, how it leaves you feeling more broken, stretched thin, and exhausted in every way humanly possible.
Do not keep playing this game that you can not win. It’s literally impossible. Do not bend over backwards and betray yourself this year. Do not.
