Every mom who bedshares thinks they’re doing the right thing for their baby.
They’ve been told it’s natural. They’ve been assured by relatives, friends, and strangers on social media that they’ve all done it with their babies, and their babies are fine. They’ve been told about the Safe Sleep 7 – that it’s safe to bedshare as long as mom breastfeeds, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t take drowsiness-inducing medication and isn’t under the influence, isn’t overweight, uses light blankets and minimal pillows, has a firm mattress, isn’t overtired, and the list goes on…
So many variables that could easily be missed. So many minute variables that, if one thing is amiss, the baby could die.
They’ve been told it’s cruel to leave baby ‘alone in a cold crib to cry’. They’ve been told that other countries bedshare just fine. They’ve been told the egregious lie that ‘bedsharing actually REDUCES SIDS because baby mimics mom’s breathing!’ They’ve been told it’s actually dangerous NOT to bedshare because an overtired mom trying to sit up to feed might fall asleep in a dangerous place.
Most probably lie when the doctor asks if the baby sleeps on their own, with that sick feeling in their heart, wondering if the doctor will suspect the truth and call CPS.
Some actually have the gall to laugh and get cocky on social media posts promoting safe sleep, or warning moms against the dangers of bedsharing, or posts talking about bedsharing related deaths.
‘Don’t shame me for MY choice for MY child,’ they say – while simultaneously shaming moms for safe sleep.
Some are shameless enough that they have the audacity to tell a grieving mom ‘IT WAS THE VACCINES!!!’
But most moms haven’t read about positional asphyxia because their adult bed is too soft, even if it’s a firm mattress by adult standards.
Most moms haven’t heard that baby can actually suffocate under mom’s breast.
Most moms won’t consider the possibility that maybe one night, one of the ‘safe bedsharing’ variables might slip, and they might let it go because baby won’t sleep anywhere else now. They might let it go because ‘it’s just one night, it won’t hurt.’
Most moms don’t think about the fact that they will be an UNCONSCIOUS adult weighing so much more than baby, and that a baby’s suffocation is silent.
Most moms won’t think that a baby will be completely helpless to get themselves out of a suffocating situation. That mom, or dad, or a sibling that also shares mom’s bed, might roll…or even drape an arm or another body part over baby. That a pillow or blanket might shift and wind up over baby’s face.
You know how I know all this? Because I ‘WAS’ that mom.
I had a family emergency. My two older children had a bad fall – right after a night I’d been drinking. I was in the emergency room, and later a children’s hospital, for nearly 24 hours.
I didn’t think that one or two bottles of formula might have affected how heavily baby slept.
I didn’t think about the fact that I was too tired. That maybe dad was too tired.
I had already been made to sign a generic safe sleep agreement by a DCS caseworker (The hospital had made a protocol report because of the kid’s injuries), even though I’d lied about where baby slept anyways. Tomorrow, I told myself. Tomorrow I’ll take all the laundry out of my pack n play and move it to the bedroom for Baby to sleep in.
