“Manic depression. That’s what is in these photos below. I’m a mother of 4. I feel my life spiral away from me. I use what little energy I have for my job and my children. By the end of the day, I want nothing more than to lay in the dark. I can’t sleep, but I can’t be productive.
Sometimes on days I have off, I stay in bed so long my body is sore. Some days I have to give myself a pep talk so I can get up and finally brush the knots out of my hair. Some days I look in the mirror and cry at what I see. I look at my kids and tell myself they would have a better opportunity at life if I wasn’t in it. I imagine ways I can die by accident so my loved ones won’t hate me for killing myself.
I take at least 3 showers a day. Sitting under the water wondering when I’ll have my mania, hoping it will last longer than the depression has. I cry all the time. Over anything and everything. I push away my partner in belief he deserves someone better. That he must not really love me because no one should. But this is just the depression.
Then comes my mania. Like today. I’ll clean like crazy.
