4. Hover stage.
This stage happens and it happens more often than one might think. Narcissists almost always come back to their exes, mostly when there isn’t another person to take your place yet. They cannot be alone and they often jump from relationship to relationship without any warning or time elapsed. When they hover over you for days, weeks, and sometimes even years later, they will contact you as if nothing ever happened. They may text you and say they miss you or drive by your work in an attempt to run into you. The whole point of the hover stage is to draw you back in for more attention or supply. Then the cycle starts ALL over from here. Back to love-bombing and the eventual brutal discard.
During my year-long relationship, we probably went through at least TEN discards or breakups, most of which were initiated by my narcissist. After the idealization phase ended, he started realizing I was human, and not this person he made up inside of his mind. He started complaining that I did not show him enough attention and that I did not post him enough on my social media. I started seeing how controlling he truly was during the many devalue stages that we had.
For example, I was not allowed to have any male friends and had to delete any male he felt threatened by on social media–all the while he was still friends with people whom he slept with and was cheating on me steadily throughout the entire relationship. Yes, most narcissists are prone to cheating because they need a constant supply of attention. I caught mine messaging not one, but two escorts on a work trip. He told me it was just for a sensual massage, but why would he give them a fake name if that were the case? But there were always two sets of rules–one I needed to follow and one he would follow. Things were never equal.
He would get jealous of me hanging out with my friend and her husband and son. He felt I should put him above my children and would get jealous of them. Then all of this eventually escalated to many other types of abuse and silent treatments where I would be blocked for a few days at a time or until I was ‘sorry.’ According to him, I had to EARN him unblocking me from social–all the while he was grooming and speaking to his new girlfriend who he went Facebook official with 4 days after our breakup. See, they move on fast. Why? Because narcissists are not capable of being truly emotionally invested in someone.
When I reflect back on our relationship, I have major PTSD. I still have nightmares a month later. I have zero desire to date or to even try. Narcissists are soul suckers and they will drain you of your energy. I am not being dramatic; it is the actual truth. From the physical pain to emotional, it all hurts.
