When it comes to talking about our bodies, women have this horrible tendency to be perpetually negative.
It’s not completely our fault. Society makes it utterly impossible to “wake up like this,” and Satan has a death grip over all things body image.
The trouble is that, all too often, we see our bodies for their appearance, rather than treasuring them for the home that they are. What’s worse is that in our own dissatisfaction, we speak our insecurities over the next generation—sometimes without even realizing it.
In a post called “How to Talk to Your Daughter About Her Body,” blogger Sarah Koppelkam serves up some much-needed perspective about how our negative self-talk and incessant need to address body image is unknowingly ruining our daughters.
“How to talk to your daughter about her body, step one: Don’t talk to your daughter about her body, except to teach her how it works.
Don’t say anything if she’s lost weight. Don’t say anything if she’s gained weight.
If you think your daughter’s body looks amazing, don’t say that. Here are some things you can say instead:
‘You look so healthy!’ is a great one.
Or how about, ‘You’re looking so strong.’
‘I can see how happy you are—you’re glowing.’
Better yet, compliment her on something that has nothing to do with her body.
Don’t comment on other women’s bodies either. Nope. Not a single comment, not a nice one or a mean one.
Teach her about kindness towards others, but also kindness towards yourself.
Don’t you dare talk about how much you hate your body in front of your daughter, or talk about your new diet. In fact, don’t go on a diet in front of your daughter. Buy healthy food. Cook healthy meals. But don’t say, ‘I’m not eating carbs right now.’ Your daughter should never think that carbs are evil, because shame over what you eat only leads to shame about yourself.
Alexa Dvorak
Encourage your daughter to run because it makes her feel less stressed. Encourage your daughter to climb mountains because there is nowhere better to explore your spirituality than the peak of the universe. Encourage your daughter to surf, or rock climb, or mountain bike because it scares her and that’s a good thing sometimes.
Help your daughter love soccer or rowing or hockey because sports make her a better leader and a more confident woman. Explain that no matter how old you get, you’ll never stop needing good teamwork. Never make her play a sport she isn’t absolutely in love with.
Prove to your daughter that women don’t need men to move their furniture.
Teach your daughter how to cook kale.
Teach your daughter how to bake chocolate cake made with six sticks of butter.
Pass on your own mom’s recipe for Christmas morning coffee cake. Pass on your love of being outside.
Maybe you and your daughter both have thick thighs or wide ribcages. It’s easy to hate these non-size zero body parts. Don’t. Tell your daughter that with her legs she can run a marathon if she wants to, and her ribcage is nothing but a carrying case for strong lungs. She can scream and she can sing and she can lift up the world, if she wants.
Remind your daughter that the best thing she can do with her body is to use it to mobilize her beautiful soul.”
Admittedly reading this, I don’t intentionally think any of these things about myself or my body. But I will now. Her advice brought new perspective to the way I see, love and treat my body.
We know that God handpicked each one of us and created us perfect in his own image. So WHY is that constantly so hard to believe.
Many of us would preach that to our daughters over and over again if it meant they believed and were confident in the woman they’ve grown to be.
So why are we holding out on ourselves?
Our bodies are INCREDIBLE, ladies. There are far more positive things to LOVE about our bodies than there are imperfections to stress over. They’re the homes that house our lives. Our hearts, our memories, our experiences and our strength.
May Sarah’s words be a constant reminder of that today, and everyday.
