I sat on the edge of my chair waiting to hear the pediatrician’s response. I had almost not mentioned it at all, but worry had caused me to bring it up. Yet as I awaited his reply I felt anxiety bubbling within me. Surely everything was okay.
“I think we can just watch it for now. See how it evolves as she gets older.” He finally replied contemplatively.
The conversation of a concerned mother had occurred on my middle child’s four-year well-visit, and though it had still been a problem a year later at her five-year appointment, I had not brought it up again. I had spent that prior year watching my daughter with caring, guarded eyes, but I had also begun to alter my way of thinking about parenting and life in general. She was going to be fine.
Since around the age of three, my second daughter had started to emerge as a very emotional creature. She cried extravagantly at her sister’s mild tauntings and became almost inconsolable when strongly corrected by me or her dad. I had thought her frequent tendency to cry at just about anything had been bad enough, but around four-and-a-half, she also started with fearfulness. In fact, she was scared of most things. We tried to say she was shy, but it went beyond that. She started exhibiting irrational fear. Fear of doors being locked and getting stuck, fear of us forgetting her at places, and many others. There were so many public meltdowns over crowds and unfamiliar faces, and I tried my very best to comfort her yet not baby her. I mean, parenting is hard. You want to console, but not enable irrational fear. So I did the best I could. Honestly, I prayed for wisdom a lot.
There was also that voice in the back of my head.
Did I do something to make her this way?
Did someone else hurt her?!
Was something wrong with my kid?!!
I’ve written about it before, but the fact remains that we live in a society of diagnoses. It’s a time of abundant information. So if you have a problem you Google it. If your kid has a problem you research the heck out of it. A society that is full of judgment and perfect parenting displayed on pedestals of public forums highlights the absolute best way to raise children. So when the regular, imperfect moms and dads fall short of the instructional article steps or bright and shiny Instagram, play-by-play lifestyles then they’re left feeling as if they lack. It’s only natural to blame the behavioral problems of your child on yourself, but it’s even more so nowadays. It’s far too easy to compare yourself to others, and your child to someone else’s. And comparison always leads to worry. Is little Johnny measuring up? I’m just glad I didn’t have the added stress of a public school platform to add to my anxiety during this time.