By Rachel Lewis

I’ve heard it. You’ve heard it. Maybe you’ve said it.

You know someone. I know someone. Maybe you know 10 someones.

And yet saying it is seriously not cool.

 “As soon as you adopt, you’ll get pregnant.”

Here are 8 reasons why you should never say this to an adoptive mom.

1  — No one likes a “know it all.”

When a friend adopts a child, then announces a pregnancy later (no matter how much later), please keep this phrase far from your lips.

When you say, “I just knew you’d get pregnant as soon as you adopted . . . ,” you are in essence saying, “Everyone knew exactly what was going to happen to your uterus the moment you added a child to your life. Aren’t you so glad you know now what the rest of us have known forever?”

Instead say, “I’m so glad *adopted child* will be a big brother/sister.”

2 — You assume that they are adopting because they can’t get pregnant.

After starting foster care classes, I had excitedly told a coworker we were starting the process to get licensed with the hope of adopting. Her response?

“Now that you’re adopting, you’ll get pregnant.”

I was TOTALLY taken aback. Our daughter Maddy was 2. We conceived her from just skipping a few birth control pills on accident. We had no losses . . .  no reason to believe that if we didn’t just skip a few pills, we wouldn’t be pregnant with another healthy child. In fact, I was convinced I was Mrs. Fertile Myrtle herself.

We weren’t adopting because we couldn’t get pregnant. We just wanted to adopt!

Instead say, “I’m so happy for you.”

3 — You take the focus off the child being adopted.

Imagine going to the hospital to meet a friend’s brand-new baby. Instead of ooh’ing and ahh’ing over their precious little bundle, you say, “Now that you’ve had a baby, you are SOOOO going to get pregnant again right away.  It always happens.”

Of course, your friend likely doesn’t want to hear commentary on her fertility at that point. She just wants you to celebrate the beautiful addition to her family she has RIGHT NOW.

Instead say, “I’m celebrating with you!”

4 — Adoption cures childlessness. It does not cure infertility.

“We’ve tried every test and treatment science has to offer. But—have you ever thought about just adopting? I once had a patient get pregnant right after adopting. Yeah…  So, go adopt, and see me again when you’ve gotten that positive pregnancy test. Consider that a prescription!” said NO reproductive endocrinologist EVER.

If fertility doctors aren’t saying it—please—please—please—don’t you say it.

Adoption cures childlessness. It is not a cure for infertility.

Instead say, “You’ve had a long journey to get here. We’re here for you all the way.”