“My husband and I have been loving each other wrong. For the past ten years, we have been loving each other, the wrong way.
A few weeks ago, him and I went out for dinner. He was distracted by his phone a lot, and other people around us. I got a little upset. ‘How could he not know how important date nights are to me? How could he not know that I crave one-on-one attention sometimes?’
He didn’t understand why that was such a big deal to me, and why I was so upset. I tried explaining it in a way I thought he may understand, but he didn’t. So I left it alone.
A few days after that, I had been having a lazy day. I didn’t really do much of the dishes, so the sink was piling up.
No big deal, I thought to myself. I’ll take care of it tomorrow.
My husband got home, looked in the sink, and was a little upset that there was now a growing pile of dishes.
I looked at him and said, ‘I’m sorry, but it’s not that big of a deal. I’m home tomorrow, I’ll do it then.’
Then, like I had tried to explain to him why I was upset about not having one-on-one attention last week at dinner, he tried to explain why the dishes made him feel not very appreciated, and loved.
I looked at him and said, ‘How can dirty dishes make you feel unloved?’
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He looked at me and said, ‘Well, how can me looking down at my phone for a quick second at dinner make you feel unloved?’
I looked at him, as I started thinking.
Thinking that we were loving each other in the wrong ways. In the ways where we think our love is being clearly shown, but to each other, it’s not.
Loving someone the way you want to be loved doesn’t always work. Because everyone sees and views love differently.
So, we sat on the couch, and we talked, for the first time in ten years. About how we want to be loved.
What that looks like for us.
Why we need that.
What it feels like.
I discovered that my husband feels the most loved when I do things to help him.
