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20 Things My Divorce Taught Me About Marriage

Years ago, a newly divorced Gerald Rogers took to Facebook to reflect on what he wishes he would have known before it was too late. He admits there were a lot of things he could have done differently to save his marriage, and he openly shared the self-effacing letter in the most humble and real way.

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Marriages Are Not Meant to Be Endured

Before we moved abroad, we did some marriage counseling. What I mean is, we sat in an old guy’s office for fifteen hours and cried. It was amazing.

He told us our marriage could be a safe-haven on the field. Or not.

He said we could strengthen and encourage each other on the field. Or not.

He said that our marriage could bring peace and stamina and even joy to the mission field. Or not.

He was right.

Some Questions

If you and I were chatting at a local coffee shop and I asked you, “Hey, I’m curious, how would you describe marriage?” In general, what words would you use?

Would you say, “Marriage is…

Hard?

Wonderful?

Good?

&#^$? [that could mean good things or bad things, I suppose]

How do you describe your own marriage? Often, the first word I hear people say is “hard.” And after they say “hard,” they quickly follow up with, “but it’s good.”

Now, think about your relationship with your best friend. How would you describe that relationship?

Would you say, “Our friendship is…

Fun?

Easy?

Intimate?

Hard?

Would you call it “hard, but good”? Honestly, what would you think of someone who spoke of their closest friendship, first and foremost, as hard? Um, weird.

What about your relationship with God? Is it, first and foremost, hard?

Is that really what we’re going for? Is our chief end to endure the hard, with God and our spouses?

On a gut level, I think we know there’s more. There has to be more.

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A Dangerous Idea

“The purpose of marriage is to make us holy.”

“Marriage is hard, but it’s ok, because it makes us holy.”

Jonathan Trotter
Jonathan Trotterhttps://trotters41.com/
Jonathan has lived in Southeast Asia since 2012, where he serves as a pastoral counselor and helps lead an international church. He tweets @trotters41 and blogs at trotters41.com.

20 Things My Divorce Taught Me About Marriage

Years ago, a newly divorced Gerald Rogers took to Facebook to reflect on what he wishes he would have known before it was too late. He admits there were a lot of things he could have done differently to save his marriage, and he openly shared the self-effacing letter in the most humble and real way.

10 Revealing Facts About How Often Couples Fight—and What’s Actually Normal

Learn how often couples fight and what's considered normal. Explore 10 revealing facts about relationship conflicts and tips for handling arguments in healthy ways.

Infidelity Doesn’t Just Happen. It Starts With 4 Subtle Warnings.

Here are the most important red flags and nonverbal communication channels you should be aware of...