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The Question That Saved My Marriage the Day I Wanted to Divorce My Wife

By Richard Paul Evans

(Dedicated to my sweetheart.)

My oldest daughter, Jenna, recently said to me, “My greatest fear as a child was that you and mom would get divorced. Then, when I was 12, I decided that you fought so much that maybe it would be better if you did.” Then she added with a smile. “I’m glad you guys figured things out.”

For years, my wife, Keri, and I struggled. Looking back, I’m not exactly sure what initially drew us together, but our personalities didn’t quite match up. And the longer we were married the more extreme the differences seemed. Encountering “fame and fortune” didn’t make our marriage any easier. In fact, it exacerbated our problems. The tension between us got so bad that going out on book tour became a relief, though it seems we always paid for it on re-entry. Our fighting became so constant that it was difficult to even imagine a peaceful relationship. We became perpetually defensive, building emotional fortresses around our hearts. We were on the edge of divorce and more than once we discussed it.

I was on book tour when things came to a head. We had just had another big fight on the phone and Keri had hung up on me. I was alone and lonely, frustrated and angry. I had reached my limit.

That’s when I turned to God. Or turned on God. I don’t know if you could call it prayer — maybe shouting at God isn’t prayer, maybe it is — but whatever I was engaged in I’ll never forget it. I was standing in the shower of the Buckhead, Atlanta, Ritz-Carlton yelling at God that marriage was wrong and I couldn’t do it anymore. As much as I hated the idea of divorce, the pain of being together was just too much. I was also confused. I couldn’t figure out why marriage with Keri was so hard. Deep down I knew that Keri was a good person. And I was a good person. So why couldn’t we get along? Why had I married someone so different than me? Why wouldn’t she change?

Finally, hoarse and broken, I sat down in the shower and began to cry. In the depths of my despair powerful inspiration came to me. You can’t change her, Rick. You can only change yourself. At that moment I began to pray. If I can’t change her, God, then change me. I prayed late into the night. I prayed the next day on the flight home. I prayed as I walked in the door to a cold wife who barely even acknowledged me. That night, as we lay in our bed, inches from each other yet miles apart, the inspiration came. I knew what I had to do.

The next morning I rolled over in bed next to Keri and asked, “How can I make your day better?”

Keri looked at me angrily. “What?”

“How can I make your day better?”

“You can’t,” she said. “Why are you asking that?”

“Because I mean it,” I said. “I just want to know what I can do to make your day better.”

She looked at me cynically.

“You want to do something? Go clean the kitchen.”

She likely expected me to get mad. Instead I just nodded. “Okay.”

I got up and cleaned the kitchen.

How a Popcorn Kernel Nearly Cost 41-Year-Old Adam Martin His Life

Discover the harrowing story of Adam Martin, a 41-year-old firefighter, whose life-threatening infection from a popcorn kernel stuck in his tooth led to open-heart surgery. Learn about the importance of dental health and timely medical care.

This Hospital Dance Party Between a Baby Cardiac Patient and His Amazing Pediatric Tech Will Melt Your Heart

Prepare to be moved by the incredible story of Blake Sheffer, a baby cardiac patient, and his dedicated pediatric technician who dance together daily in the hospital. Their joyous dance parties bring hope, laughter, and resilience to Blake's recovery journey.

Tinder Couple Who Exchanged Messages for 3 Years Finally Meets on ‘Good Morning America’

Discover the heartwarming story of Josh Avsec and Michelle Arendas, a Tinder couple whose three-year-long message exchange went viral, leading to their first meeting on 'Good Morning America.'