As a preacher’s kid, you would think I would be prepared for this. My mom sat in church with me her whole pregnancy. I cooed along to hymns as a toddler. I may or may not have raced my friends by military crawling under the pews. As a teenager, I joined every activity and almost every leadership team imaginable at a small church.
I know this church thing. I’ve done it my whole life. But being a millennial in church is a whole different story.
I often joke that the Church doesn’t know what to do with young singles. Having moved to a new area, I’ve recently started church shopping and it’s been nothing short of a comical adventure.
There was the time the lady at the visitor’s center (in answering my question about the young singles’ class) blurted out, “Well … it sucks!” Or the time I asked someone how many young singles attended their church. There were two: one guy and one girl. And they were dating each other. Or the time the pastor announced from [the] stage how their fairly new church had people from the ‘70s, ‘80s and NOW had one person from the ‘90s — since they hired their youth pastor.
It felt so odd. Here I was a bubbly young single looking for a place to lay down roots and serve but repeatedly walking away discouraged and deciding to look elsewhere.
I began to understand why so many of my friends have stopped going to church altogether. Why as millennials we’re disappearing in droves.
I was visiting great Jesus-loving churches. I was meeting amazing people—people who wanted millennials at their church. Yet every answer I received about the young singles’ group started with “Well …” and ended with something along the lines of “We don’t have many … but you can start a movement!”
THE SECRET TO KEEPING A MILLENNIAL (OR ANYONE FOR THAT MATTER)
The explanations I have heard [about] the “millennial void” often seem to miss the point.
It is not because you don’t have contemporary worship.
It is not because young singles just want to be around young singles and you don’t have a large group.
It is not because young singles are simply uninterested in church.
Yes, those reasons may be accurate for some but the conversations I have had point to a different problem.
Often the church is just not “single friendly.” Now this is a two-way street. As singles, we are responsible for reaching out and being intentional.
We need to step out of our comfort zone and introduce ourselves to the people around us. We need to go to church meetings where we may know no one. We need to attend small groups to build those connections.
Yet it’s really hard to talk myself into getting out of bed and going to church when it feels one-sided.
When I sit in the same place in church every week and keep trying to initiate conversations with those around me and seem to make no progress.
When I’m in a class with those who have not yet reached my season of life. Those who have no idea yet about work stress, financial pressures and the difficulty of finding community while balancing a full-time job.
When I go to the church picnic and see everyone sitting by families and feel like I truly belong nowhere.
I have often shown up and can’t find where I belong … and I’m not alone.