Satanist Begs the Devil to Kill Him: “I Wanted to Hurt God the Way He Was Hurting Me”

Eli always longed for the love of a father, but his hateful and abusive dad wanted nothing to do with him. Ever since he was a little boy, he had horrific memories of how his dad treated him.

“He just did some strange things,” said Eli. “He ended up choking me, spitting on me, screaming, telling me that he was the devil and that he was gonna kill me. I think I was like five years old.”


After getting bitten by a dog once, Eli ran to his father for comfort, only for him to try to cut his own son’s leg off with a knife. At the age of six, he was sexually abused by his dad and his friends—and by 12 years old, the constant torture had gotten so bad that he was simply “used to it.”

Eli started using drugs to heal the pain as a teen and soon ended up living on the streets, which only led to a more dangerous slippery slope of self-destruction. He began hanging out with the homosexual prostitutes in San Francisco, smoking crack and getting more hooked on drugs by the day. In fact, he spent every day for 15 years searching for drugs.

Naturally, Eli became a drug dealer and he realized he had the power to make people do whatever he wanted with his new money stream, so he began making women prostitutes. But despite his power over people, he still desperately longed for love.

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However, it seemed the more Eli cried out to God to rescue him, the more he was ignored, just like he was by his own father..

“The more I cried out to God, the more he was silent,” said Eli. “And so I began to think in my my mind that maybe God hated me.”

He decided he wanted to inflict the same pain upon God that he was feeling.

“I realized I wanted to hurt God the way he was hurting me, and so the only way I knew how to hurt God was to worship Satan,” said Eli.


His life continued to spiral downward as he wandered the streets and attempted suicide multiple times, trying to escape his miserable existence. All the while, the demons’ voices in his head just kept getting louder. Before Eli went to bed, he would beg Satan to take his life if he had the power to do so.

“I’ll spend eternity in hell, just get me out of this hell that I’m living in because God doesn’t want me,” he said. 

Not long after this rock-bottom experience, a stranger named Miriam noticed Eli frequently wandering the streets and felt the compelling voice of God tell her to talk to him. She stopped by Eli’s mom’s house to ask who he was and see if she could pray for him and his family.

One day, Miriam couldn’t ignore God’s instruction to talk to Eli any longer. She felt Him telling her to talk to him that day or it would be too late. When she pulled over and asked if she could pray for Eli, she found out that he actually had decided to throw himself under a semi-truck that day.


Eli attended a Bible study with her, and on Easter Sunday morning, he knew it was finally time to go to church and give Jesus a real chance to enter his life—but nobody could have expected what happened next.

See how the rest of Eli’s story unfolds in the video below that proves NOTHING can thwart the mighty hand of our God….

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Kelsey Straeter
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Kelsey is an editor at Outreach. She’s passionate about fear fighting, freedom writing, and the pursuit of excellence in the name of crucifying perfectionism. Glitter is her favorite color, 2nd only to pink, and 3rd only to pink glitter.