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“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU JUST SHUT OFF YOUR BRAIN?” Wife Hilariously Nails Men Vs. Women Trying to Fall Asleep

fall asleep

If you’re anything like me, sleep is NOT something that comes naturally.

An average night without legit sleep meds looks something like this:

It’s 3 a.m. and I can’t sleep a wink. And no, Matchbox 20 fans, it’s not because I’m lonely.

My body is so tired, my eyes are dry, and my lids are droopy. But my head is on fire. Particularly at night, my mind is this Energizer Bunny of a machine trampling all over any positive headway I’ve made in the day and leaking battery acid into my brain. I do everything on the spectrum of active to passive to seek peace. That means I’ve also tried doing nothing, thinking nothing. But that beast in my skull is relentless.

The tension mounts. My throat is dry. My toes curl. My legs jitter back-and-forth, sliding over one another until my calves are raw. My stomach growls, but I’m not hungry. It’s my body’s way of saying it’s angry at me—that it’s been through this long enough and that it’s just tired. And tired of being tired. Four melatonin in, and still wired.

Sadly, I know I’m not the only one whose bed is a torture chamber like this. For many women especially–the infamous overthinkers of the words, our minds are a war zone at night.

We hit the mattress, go into pseudo-Superman mode, and somehow convince ourselves that if we just ponder long enough and hard enough, we can fix all that is wrong with the world in a single night’s work of brain-cell ping pong. And I don’t mean just regular ping-pong. I’m talking Forrest Gump, rapid-fire, blow-your-mind, lightning-speed ping pong.

But for dudes–for the most part–their experiences couldn’t be further from that hellacious mental throwdown.

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They close their eyes. And they fall asleep.

DONE. 

It will never cease to Blow. My. Mind… And ignite my jealous fury for not being able to accomplish the same.

Thankfully, one popular Chrstian blogger is shedding a little humorous light on these drastic differences between men and women when it comes to hitting the sack for some shut-eye.

In a viral Facebook post, Amy Weatherly posts an anecdote of the dialogue between her and her hubby at night–and ladies, it is oh-SO relatable it hurts!

Check out Amy’s post in full below:

“Me: Hey, how do you fall asleep so quickly at night?

Hubby: I don’t know. I just shut off my brain and then I’m asleep.

Me: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU JUST SHUT OFF YOUR BRAIN?

Hubby: I dunno.

Me: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T KNOW?

Hubby: I really don’t know. I just close my eyes and stop thinking.

Me: You don’t lie there and wonder if you forgot to do something earlier in the day?

Hubby: No.

Me: You don’t worry that you said something stupid? You don’t replay scenarios and assume people are mad at you?

Hubby: What? No.

Me: You don’t get the sudden urge to get your life in order?

Hubby: Ummmmm…no.

Me: You don’t even start making up scenarios that may or may not happen in your head? Worry about the kids? Money? How to lose 10 lbs by morning? How to cure Covid? How to keep small businesses running? Google how to make your own toilet paper?

Hubby: No. I’m asleep, so I’m not wondering or worrying about anything.

Me: Literally nothing? Just close your eyes and then that’s really it?

Hubby: Pretty much.

Me: I’m sorry. I’m having such a hard time understanding.

Hubby: Is that not how it works for you?

[two minutes of silence goes by. starts rubbing on lavender oil, turning on the sound machine, pulling out eye mask, and snuggling under the weighted blanket.]

Me: No. No, dear. That is not how it works for me.

Hubby: Well, that stinks. You know you can’t be mad at me for this, right?

Me: Goodnight.

Hubby: Amy…

Me: I said goodnight, sir.”

**See more from Amy Weatherly on her Facebook page

Kelsey Straeter
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Kelsey is an editor at Outreach. She’s passionate about fear fighting, freedom writing, and the pursuit of excellence in the name of crucifying perfectionism. Glitter is her favorite color, 2nd only to pink, and 3rd only to pink glitter.

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