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Daughter Texts Mom “I’ll Be Home Soon” from Burger King Bathroom—20 Minutes Later, Her Worst Nightmare Comes True

"She's my only daughter, my best friend. She was supposed to start her new job today, now she's on life support.”

To the Stranger Who Gave My 3-Year-Old a Bracelet in the McDonald’s Bathroom

"You heard me tell her we had a long drive home and she needed to use the potty. You heard her tell me she was scared the toilet would flush while she was sitting on it."

Daughter’s “Pootergirl” Costume for Picture Day Goes Viral After She Rejects Dad’s Outfit Choices

"She walked up, looked over each of her choices, turned and said ‘POOTERGIRL!’ and well…I couldn’t argue with that answer...”

Tag: george bush

Ellen: “Why Is a Gay Hollywood Liberal Sitting Next to a Conservative Republican President?”—Her Response Is Perfect

“During the game, they showed a shot of George and me laughing together, so people were upset," Ellen remarked. "They thought, 'Why is a gay Hollywood liberal sitting next to a conservative Republican president?'"