Childhood is a phase of intense physical, emotional, and psychological development. Children need to learn what behavior is appropriate in our society, and how to get along with their peers and the adults in their lives. They need to learn how to play by the rules, as opposed to being taught that it’s acceptable to break the rules or simply ignore the rules altogether, fostering a serious sense of entitlement among our youth. They need to learn discipline.
Kids need to learn essential values such as empathy, responsibility, hard work and self-discipline. They must be taught conscientiousness, resilience and integrity. When parents refuse to set limits, give kids consequences, or have appropriate expectations of academic and social performance, students are deprived of the skills and attitudes necessary for their future success. We are essentially robbing them of the greatest gift we can give them.
If there’s one thing we can all agree on – we mommas do love our babies. Unfortunately, someone – somewhere – at some point in time – planted a seed of doubt in our minds, telling us if we set limitations for our children, then we don’t love them. Oh how I would love to come face to face with this person in a dark alley.
If you think spoiling makes for happier kids, you haven’t done your research because the statistics I found completely contradict this. A recent article I read pointed to research which shows that the rate of depression, anxiety, and drug addiction in high-school and college students has exploded in the past five years, and many are saying that over-protective parenting, lack of discipline and overly lenient school environments are a large part of what’s to blame for this. Turns out, despite all the eye rolling, these kiddos really do feel safe, loved, and worthy when we show them who’s in charge.
Ok, so that was a lot.
Ready for the good news?
I know I am.
This isn’t rocket science. You don’t have to earn some fancy degree to understand it. We, if we band together, can clean up the mess we’ve made. These are simple ways we can fix this as well as a bunch of personal promises I will make to you as your child’s teacher.
1. For starters, your kid is capable of doing and saying things that will shock the living daylights out of you. We work with these kids every day and see your child in a different light than you do. If we come to you with a problem or write your child up for disrespectful behavior, don’t automatically fight it. Take a moment to digest it. We don’t have it out for your child. We don’t hate your kid. We don’t get a weird thrill out of writing detentions. We want what you want – for them to rise to the occasion and be the best version of themselves they can be. But, they aren’t born with the tendency to do this. We must guide them, direct them, and model this for them.
Please know that I am right there in the life raft with you. I have a rising 7th grader, 4th grader, and kindergartner. Most nights end with me lying in bed praying for God to help me do it better tomorrow. My three babies are so perfectly imperfect. When my 9-year-old’s (AKA the least likely member of our family to be accused of people pleasing) teacher emails me to let me know that he has lost his recess due to inability to sit still and keep his hands off his classmates, I resist the innate urge to 1) crawl under my desk and hide, 2) jump to his defense (he’s a little boy who’d rather be outdoors!), and 3) ignore the problem that he’s obviously causing in her classroom. Will he have his side of the story? Yes. Will I hear him out? Yes. Will it change the fact that an adult took time out of her busy day to email me because my child upset the flow of her teaching day? No. Punishing him at home for disrespecting authority at school is difficult. It’s tiring, takes a lot of effort, requires a tremendous amount of patience, and is just plain inconvenient. But, the fact is: his teacher needs me to follow through, just as I need her to educate my boy. She and I have to work together to drive this bus, otherwise the wheels fall off and we all end up in the ditch.
