2. Trust me. When I write a child up or tell parents that their child has been a behavior problem, I can almost see the hairs rise on the back of their necks. They tense up and are ready to fight, defend their child…and let me tell you – it is exhausting. One of my biggest pet peeves is when I tell a mom something her kid did and she turns, looks at him and asks, “Is that true?” Well, of course it’s true. I just told you.
We (women) tend to tear each other down. I see a heavy gravitation toward this with my middle school girls. They can be mean, hateful, and downright cruel. Unfortunately, some of us never moved on from Mean Girl University – in fact some of us are still regular attendees hoping to graduate magna cum laude. We don’t lift each other up and support one another. We jump at opportunities to attack each other, albeit much more behind the scenes in adulthood – it’s an attack nonetheless. And, let’s be honest, it hurt when we were teenagers, and it’s hurtful now. It’s no wonder when I come to you with something your child has done wrong at school; your defenses immediately go up. Somehow it has turned into me pointing the finger at you, whispering behind your back that you are a bad mom. Nothing could be further from the truth. Your child’s bad choice isn’t a direct reflection on you as a person. The way you choose to handle it – IS. Every kid will mess up. Every kid will disappoint us at times. Every kid needs a slew of adults to be invested in them, care about them. This isn’t supposed to be a competition among us as women. I want to be part of your village – goodness knows, I need my children’s teachers to be part of mine.
3. For the love of Pete, please quit with all the excuses. If you really want to help your children be successful, stop making excuses for them. Last summer, I was at the pool chatting with a parent and her son about his summer reading assignments. He told me flat out, with no shame, that he hadn’t even started, and I let him know I was disappointed because school started in two weeks. His mother chimed in quickly and told me that it had been a difficult summer for them and that she was allowing him some “important fun time” because it was summer. Wow. Some parents will make excuses regardless of the situation. Unfortunately, they are raising children who will grow into adults who turn toward excuses, unable to exhibit a strong work ethic.Where is the discipline in doing something your are supposed to do? If you don’t want your child to end up 30, jobless, sitting on your couch, eating Lucky Charms and playing Fortnite, then stop making excuses for why they aren’t succeeding and demand more from them. God has trusted you with this child. You owe them that gift.
4. Parents, let’s be partners. It’s OK for your child to get in trouble sometimes. It is okay for you to discipline your child. It builds character and teaches life lessons. As teachers, we are confused by parents who stand in the way of those lessons; we call them helicopter parents because they hover over us, waiting for the opportunity to dive in and save their child every time something goes wrong. If we give a child a 79 on a project, then that is what the child deserves. Don’t set up a time to meet with me to negotiate an 80. Each time you do this, you are slowly chipping away at our ever so important parent/teacher relationship. Let them fall down. Let them hurt a little. And, I can assure you, they will want to do better next time.
5. This one may be hard to accept, but you shouldn’t assume that because your child makes straight A’s they are getting a good education. The truth is, a lot of times it’s the ineffective teachers who give the easiest grades, because they know by giving good grades, everyone will leave them alone. I honestly can’t blame them. They aren’t verbally attacked on the cereal aisle at the grocery store (true story). They don’t avoid social media because of rants ending with hashtags that are…well, just plain mean (#andpassiveaggressive #justsayin). Parents will say, “My child has a great teacher! He made all A’s this year!” Come on now. Seriously? In all honesty, it’s usually the best teachers who are giving the lowest grades, because they are raising expectations. Yet, when your child receives low grades, you complain to the headmaster, not only exhausting our school administration, but leaving your kids’ teachers feeling like they have no value. Please, take a step back and get a good look at the landscape. Before you challenge those low grades you feel the teacher has “given” your child…you might stop to realize your child lacked discipline and “earned” those grades and that the teacher you are complaining about is actually the one that is providing the best education.
6. Teachers walk on a sea of eggshells. The sad reality is – a great number of administrators and teachers these days have hands that are completely tied. In many ways, we live in fear of what will happen next. We walk on eggshells in a watered-down education system where teachers lack the courage to correct, discipline or re-direct a child without fear of being summoned to the office to explain ourselves. Administration is overwhelmed trying to please parents (b/c we are paying a pretty penny for education), taking vitally important time away from running our school. It’s a cycle that, if not broken, will have truly devastating effects.
7. Last but most certainly not least…I KNOW you love your children. I love them too. These kids get into my heart in a way I can’t explain to you. I just ask — beg of you — to trust me, support me, and work with me, not against me. I need you to have my back. I need you to give me the respect I deserve. Please don’t badmouth me in front of your kid. Please don’t passively aggressively attack me on social media. Lift me up and make me feel appreciated. I promise every chance I get, I am lifting you up in my classroom. I promise I appreciate the hard work you are doing at home. I promise I am not the enemy. I promise I am on your side. I promise I am cheering your kid on with the loudest momma voice you can imagine. I promise in the end, you and I want the exact same thing. And finally, I promise – if you will let me –to give your child the best education humanly possible.
You and I, together, could be quite the force to be reckoned with, don’t you think?
Sincerely,
Mrs. Erin Axson Thank you to Eliza Scherer
