When it comes to Mother’s Day, nothing is sweeter than being surrounded by the ones you love, and being celebrated by the ones who made you a mom. But for many women, the day is not spent being adored or doted on, rather, it’s filled with efforts to make their moms and mother-in-laws “seen” and celebrated, with their own motherhood often being overlooked or forgotten.
The struggle is all-too relatable. Who among us hasn’t been consumed by their mother-in-law’s Mother’s Day brunch?
One grandma on TikTok is calling for older generations to pass the torch, and let younger generations catch a break on Mother’s Day. In her annual announcement, TikTok user @morethangrand, is encouraging moms and mother-in-laws everywhere “shift the focus” this year to their daughters and daughter-in-laws who are moms.
“It’s almost Mother’s Day in some parts of the world, time for family brunches and honoring the mothers in our lives,” she begins her video. “It’s also time for my annual reminder to grandmothers to shift the focus from you to your daughters and daughters-in-law who are mothers.”
Reminding older generations of the moms in the trenches of motherhood, she urges followers to celebrate those who are currently raising kids of all ages in their households.
“Instead of expecting the family to gather to honor you, it’s time to make the day about the next generation of mothers,” she says.
@morethangrand Grandmothers, it’s time to shift the focus from you to the mothers of your grandchildren. Take this opportunity to celebrate them, the moms who are deep in the work of motherhood. This Mother’s Day, show them how much you appreciate the work they are doing to raise your grandchildren. #grandparents #grandparent #CommunicationTips #GrandparentsLove #AdultChildren #NewGrandparent #newgrandma#newgrandparents #newgrandma #Grandparenting #grannytok #HealthyBoundaries #Boomer #EffectiveCommunication #GentleGrandparenting ♬ original sound – MoreThanGrand
“Send them a card or a gift. Or even just a text telling them how much you appreciate the work they are doing as they raise your grandchildren. Positive affirmations like these are the building blocks of a healthy relationship, and the relationship you have with the mother of your grandchildren is one of the most important of your life.”
She suggests that grandmas on both sides of a family make a conscious effort to step aside on Mother’s Day, and let the moms of their grandchildren be the ones who have the spotlight for a moment.
“As for that big family brunch, plan it to celebrate your birthday, or hold it on Saturday so that the other mothers in the family can have the Mother’s Day celebration they want.”
Of course, @morethangrand is fine with grandmothers being recognized for their motherhood on Mother’s Day, but the larger message is to avoid creating more work for the moms who really just need a break.
Moms Share Their Experiences
As you can imagine, the comments section of her post is flooded with women singing her praises, and sharing their own woes of Mother’s Days past.
“My oldest is 17. My mil has never once acknowledged me as a mother on Mother’s Day. It’s 100% her show,” one user wrote.
Another echoed her experience, “Thank you! We are down here in the trenches every day, actively raising our kids. We appreciate our moms and will let them know, but we need a day where we aren’t taking care of EVERYTHING.”
“My first mother’s day everyone (except Hubs) forgot I was a mom, but they for sure didn’t forget to take plenty of pictures of my mom with my son to celebrate her first mother’s Day as a grandma,” wrote another.
One simply responded with, “Someone send this to my mom pls!”
“I’m wondering what are the chances you’d adopt me and my 4 kids? Out here looking for grandparents who get it!” Another user wrote.
“Oh goodness I dread this one. So many expectations. Whatever happened to the low key home made breakfast and art pieces. When did it become a mandated family gathering with expensive gifts?”
Others shared more difficult paradigms of the day, including being forced to celebrate their Mother-in-laws, while grieving their own mothers as a motherless mom.
“My MIL expects all her 5 children and 9 grandchildren to attend her home to celebrate her. I lost my mum 8 years ago and don’t attend as I like to quietly remember my mum. Makes me difficult,” one wrote.
And of course, my favorite response: “googles how much it would cost to run this as a commercial on Fox News.”
Of course, not all families are the same, and plenty of people in the U.S. have the privilege of being celebrated and celebrating in a way that doesn’t cause stress or extra work on mom.
But for far too many, the expectations have been set, and they’re not balanced. Moms in the trenches, and moms whose children and their needs are THE main focus in their households at this time, are simply looking for a break and a small nod in recognition.
Thank goodness for the moms and mothers who get it, and who know how to appreciate all of the mothers in their lives.
