My friend tells me that guys seem to fall off the face of the earth after a nice date and a few texts. She can never figure out where she went wrong.
Another girl I know tells me she experiences the same thing and describes it as feeling like the “Almost Girl.”
Every time she meets a new guy on Tinder or reconnects with an ex, it seems to be going well but then he either swipes right on someone else, finds a cute girl in his DMs, or gets a text from his ex and seems to vanish without warning…again. She feels like she’s almost pretty enough (until someone prettier steals his attention), almost interesting enough (until someone more interesting swoops in), or almost date-able enough (until someone more date-able pops up on his newsfeed). And just like that, she was almost enough but…not quite.
And it’s not just girls feeling this way. My own brothers have shared with me similar frustrations they have with girls that they meet.
There seems to be a lot of mixed signals, confusion, heartbreak and many good things ending with ambiguity and silence instead of with closure and honesty. There’s a growing fear of commitment as Millennials swipe left and right through the virtual catalog of possible mates the Internet offers. And when one after another seem to crumble without warning, far too many are left asking: WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I don’t know the specifics of your love life, but I do think that the digital dating trend has become so convenient that real dating and true commitment are contaminated by it.
Yes, You Can Meet That Someone Online
Before you get angry and defensive, let me just clarify that I’m not saying you can’t meet someone online. Heck, my husband and I kind of met online. We had mutual friends and followed each other on Instagram (it was not nearly as popular as it is now, I didn’t even have my blog then!) before we had ever met in person. When we had to date long distance, most of our communication was on the phone and via texting. So hey, I’m not saying meeting someone online or using technology when dating long distance can’t work out.
What I am saying is that always having a pocketful of other potentially ‘better’ options (or so goes the lie we believe) at the touch of a button makes commitment incredibly hard on a person. The excitement that comes when someone new finds you attractive makes it much harder to stay focused on the person you just had coffee with.
It’s as if our generation is becoming less and less equipped to meet a decent, quality human being, accept their flaws or mistakes, and have a conversation about the hard stuff because it’s almost becoming unnecessary. One can always swipe right and find someone else if any ounce of doubt crosses his or her mind. The options are virtually endless.
Again, I know not EVERYONE does this—at least not intentionally—but it’s like the world is obsessed chasing butterflies. I mean, who doesn’t like the thrill and excitement of someone finding us attractive (and virtually telling us by swiping right), a first date, a first kiss, etc.? But the problem with chasing butterflies is that they fly away.