Dear Carla Bellucci,
Not gonna lie, when I read this headline this morning, my blood ACTUALLY began to boil: Mum wants daughter, 14, to get plastic surgery because ‘ugly people get nowhere’.
First let me say, I’m not a ranter. Rather, I generally aim to keep the peace and truly try to offer grace for a wide range of perspectives that fall outside of my value system… But there is a time and a place for righteous judgment—and this is it.
Some may shake their heads, laugh at the absurdity of your statement, or write you off as a loony tune and move on—but I’m downright LIVID.
Not because you have a clearly warped view of reality or unrealistic beauty standards. You’re an adult and can do as you darn well please. But when you have the audacity to taint the precious mind of your teen daughter, there is a serious problem… And don’t even get me started on the fact that you faked depression to get a free nose job.
Children are always watching, absorbing, and molding according to your actions and words. And you are blatantly telling and SHOWING your daughter, “You’re not good enough”—a message, mind you, that she already hears screamed from the rooftops of every top fashion brand, lifestyle magazine, and Insta-perfect picture in her newsfeed.
“Tanisha isn’t the most academic of girls, so I don’t really care about her education, unlike with my boys,” you told Closer Magazine. “She will need to rely on her looks to get on in life so she will need to be perfect. Ugly people get nowhere these days.”
Beyond your faulty, archaic beliefs about the role of education for women, you are instilling within your precious girl the idea that her identity is based on accomplishment, whether that be academic, or maintaining the perfect ‘Kardashian look with the big bum and boobs and pouty lips’ that you say she aspires to.
Which begs the question, is that REALLY a look she desires to attain, or does she truly desire mommy’s approval and love—things that should be offered unconditionally to a child?
As a recovering neurotic perfectionist who absorbed similar messages as a teen, I render this “child abuse,” in every sense of the word. The repercussions of even subtle negative messages can be devastating for malleable minds, so those inflicted by the bold lies you’re perpetuating are simply off the charts.
This bright, beautiful young woman needs to be ripped from your custody before the damage is irreversible.
Though inflicting physical harm, of course, causes more alarm in today’s society, the unseen bleeding wounds of mental health carry just as much–if not more–weight.
And speaking of weight, and keeping it ‘perfect’…
One in five women today struggles with an eating disorder. 95% of those with eating disorders are between the ages of 12 and 25—precisely the age range where Tanisha falls. And anorexia nervosa is, in fact, the deadliest of all mental illnesses by a significant margin. These mental disorders are frequently comorbid with anxiety, depression, body dysmorphia, and others–all of which carry compounding destructive repercussions.
Statistics reflect that approximately 1 in 5 children aged 13–18 (or 21.4%) suffers from a severe mental disorder at some point during their lifetime. You are nearly guaranteeing that your daughter becomes one of those statistics.
I beg of you, stop killing her slowly. Let this wonderful girl grow up to fulfill the dreams and aspirations placed on her heart that fall outside the realm of ‘plastic beauty.’
I have no idea what I can actually say to change your twisted mind—and with a note of compassion, I can only imagine that you have some psychological imbalances and past experiences that have fed these lies to you.
But all I can do is deliver truth. And the Truth dictated by the only One with the right to proclaim it is this:
“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb.”~Psalm 139:13
Translation: Your daughter was already known, made on purpose, and made PERFECT by her creator before you ever got the chance to tell her otherwise.
It’s as simple as that.
The world in conjunction with Satan is already doing a mighty fine job of convincing her she needs to be somebody else.
As her mother, PLEASE be the one to tell her she needs only to be who she already IS.
If you ever get the chance to read this, Tanisha, sweet girl (and every other daughter in your shoes)–know that you are “fearfully and wonderfully made,” and no man (or mama) has the right to tell you otherwise.
Your Father has the final say—and he says you’re already PERFECT in Him.