To the Friend Who Rolled Her Eyes at Me When I Asked My Husband’s Permission

Do you have a problem with the dirty ‘S’ word in the Bible?

“Submission” is often a word that makes women cringe, and there’s nothing like asking your husband’s permission that can make that already touchy concept just a little more sensitive.

Particularly in our feministic culture of “independent women,” the idea of asking a man for anything can seem degrading, particularly asking them if you’re simply allowed to do something as a GROWN adult. After all, are you his 10-year-old daughter?

But marriage blogger Ashley Willis is reframing the way wives think about ‘permission’ in a viral article that addresses several reasons why this can actually be beneficial to your marriage. After a friend gave Ashley a hard time for asking her husband Dave about a girls’ night out, the marital expert couldn’t help but set her friend (and the rest of the Internet) straight with [five] key reasons why asking your husband’s permission is ACTUALLY a good thing.

“My friend rolled her eyes and laughed under her breath as she replied, ‘Really? You need your husband’s permission?” Ashley writes. “Gah. My husband and I never ask for permission. I just do my thing. And, he does his thing.”

Ashley couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Why would this even be an issue?” she thought.

She reflected that while there are certainly minor things that she doesn’t ask Dave’s permission for, in general, consulting one another works for them.

“Sure. There are times I honestly don’t want to ask Dave’s permission, but I do it anyway because HE IS MY HUSBAND. I love him. We are one. Our individual lives are interdependent. Therefore, every personal decision we make automatically brings joint consequences,” she explained.

Her friend’s reaction got her pondering if she’s the norm for asking her spouse’s permission or the exception.

“Honestly, I don’t know,” Ashely concluded. “But, I do know that my husband, Dave, and I have a better marriage because of it, and here’s why:

1.  Asking permission is a sign of RESPECT.

Whenever Dave asks me if he can go somewhere and do something, I feel loved and respected. We are married after all. Why wouldn’t we consult each other first before placing something on the calendar, applying for a new job, or moving? These things affect BOTH of us, so we need to discuss it first out of respect for one another.

2.  It ensures LESS CONFLICT.

The phrase ‘just do it and ask for forgiveness later’ doesn’t work in marriage. We need to ask each other first, so it will be less likely for us to fight about a decision later. When we make a decision TOGETHER beforehand…no matter what the outcome may be…we can stay unified and resist pointing fingers at one another later.