Relationships

To the Wife Whose Husband Never Apologizes: Here’s Some Help

husband never apologizes

2. Still apologize.

Just because your husband refuses to verbally tell you he is sorry for hurting you, doesn’t mean you quit. Even though it can be hard to recognize our own faults in a fight, we are human; so there is likely something you can sincerely take responsibility for. Take a deep look. Consider it from his perspective. Try to set aside the fact that your husband never apologizes. And then you take the apology reigns. Here’s how to apologize: be quick to ask for forgiveness for things you need to make amends for. Just calmly say what you have to say, be specific, and then move on. Try not to spark a huge conversation, and turn it into a huge deal. Don’t grovel, just say you are sorry and leave it. It’s healthy and it’s what God asks us to do.

3. Forgive him if he ain’t even sorry.

I have argued with God many times about this. I have told Him that there is no way I am going to forgive my husband when he hasn’t even lost one second thinking about how rude he was to me. That’s right. There have been times when I’ve felt like my husband never apologizes. I’ve wondered how he could be hurting me like this? How can I let go of anger when it is fully justified?! When he was so mean and so lacking in empathy or care?

Well, God always lets me rant and rave, and then He reminds me that this is how He loves me every day. No matter how much of a jerk I have been, I find the forgiveness and acceptance I need. Yikes. No matter how mean and lacking in empathy I am, He forgives me. So, the only thing left to do is [to] be forgiving and love my husband even in his selfish moments. It doesn’t always look pretty, and at times I have to really wrestle with the process of forgiveness, but in the end, it’s what I try to do, with God’s help.

I am not saying it’s easy. It’s painful. And I feel bad for you if this is a daily struggle of yours. But the only way to get through is to keep moving forward with Jesus, knowing that He is caring, understanding, and loving in those terrible moments when you want to just quit trying. Remember, vulnerability and forgiveness are great means to deepening your relationship in the long run.

I will agree with you that it’s really unfair being the only apologizer. But do it anyway. And then scream up at the sky if you have to, and let God remind you of how gracious He is to you. Even when you don’t even realize you need that same grace. Even when you aren’t that sorry. He loves you perfectly. And so we love in His strength, not our own.

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God freely forgives and loves forgiveness.

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” —Ephesians 4:32

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” –Colossians 3:13

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Michelle Lindsey
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Michelle Lindsey is a Jesus-loving wife of more than two decades and a homeschooling mom of four who blogs about what happens when romance meets reality (with her adult daughter!) at Nitty Gritty Love. You can find more Nitty Gritty Love on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Instagram.

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