“We’re Not Better People Because We Waited”: The Truth About Saving Sex for Marriage


He was a D1 college football player. I was in a sorority. Classic, right?

We met during our time at a Big10 university, arguably one of the bigger party schools in the nation. We certainly weren’t in Christian bubbles, and we were faced with different messages about sex and dating and hookups ALL THE TIME.

And honestly, our personal decision to save sex for marriage? WOW. It. was. HARD.

And at times, we felt like the odd ones out. Not the better ones, not the more religious or righteous ones, just the odd ones out.

Teammates teased him for still being a virgin when he graduated. He took it well, trusting it’d be worthwhile & knowing it was all in good humor. I sometimes wondered if there was any point to it, feeling like I was missing out on something everyone else seemed to think was the greatest thing since sliced bread.

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Did we make it? Yeah. But not without struggling–not without some really hard and honest conversations over the course of the 3 years before we said our vows.

To be honest, there were times I turned *waiting til marriage* into such an idol, as if my dedication to it turned into the measure of my righteousness or something.

It’s a hard and messy thing, really.

If anyone tells you differently, they’re lying.

So, if you’re struggling in one way or another in this department, you’re NOT alone.

After a year and a half of marriage, we figured it was time we share our story.

Because I don’t know where you are–if you’ve waited or can’t stand the idea of waiting. If you wanted to wait but feel like you messed up or if you and your man are just reeeaallly struggling. But I do know there is grace, that God is not a God of second chances but of new beginnings, that it CAN be done if you have real tangible tools and not just good intentions, and that this crazy beautiful but sometimes brutally difficult design God has is so totally worth it.

So, here’s what we did: We made a brutally honest, incredibly raw, but intentionally helpful video explaining all that we did during our dating years so that didn’t just have to endure dating, but could actually enjoy it–even without sex.

We trust that it’ll help you, wherever you are right now. Click the video below to watch.

Jordan Lee
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Jordan Lee is the creative voice behind the blog, The SoulScripts. She is passionate about seeing women set free by the love of Christ and works to bring them to that through sharing real, raw, and relatable stories and anecdotes with a creative spin. She launched her site in 2015 on a simple premise — to get real, to sort through the lies women believe, and to encourage readers in Truth while offering touches of comic relief along the way. She especially loves to keep it real by speaking openly into real-life struggles and offer encouragement through storytelling because she believes that our stories are the most unifying thing we have. The messy, broken, and imperfect parts of life are the threads that weave us together, reminding us that we are truly not alone. She understands the reality that we all have imperfections, brokenness, and pieces of our lives we’d rather not show. She recently published her first book, WholeheARTed: A Coloring Book Devotional, released this past spring. It is available for purchase via Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Lifeway, and more. When she isn’t writing, you can find her with a coffee in hand as she dives into the Word, jogging through town, and traveling the globe with her husband. You can get to know her more on Facebook, Twitter,or Instagram.