Several years ago, I was walking around Boston with an old friend and one of her friends whom I had just met. I can’t remember exactly how the topic came up, but her friend ended up saying something along the lines of, “Yah, we’re both Christians; we both still have our virginity.”
It was such a small comment, but it clearly reflects something many of us raised in Christian homes subconsciously believe:
That being a Christian=Being a virgin
and
Being a virgin=Being a Christian.
There are a number of problems with this mindset, that the sole factor in you being a Christian is your ability to control your private parts, and I want to look at a couple of them here. But before we get started, I’ll dispel any notion that Ethan is actually against purity now. Nope. Still a virgin and will be till my wedding day.
Problem #1: What about non-virgins?
I imagine anyone overhearing our conversation who was not a virgin would have immediately been turned away from Christianity. The notion that virginity is core to the Christian faith erases any chance for those who have slept around in the past to be saved. It’s as if their previous relations have disqualified them from the one relationship which is enduringly life-giving and soul-nourishing.
The Jesus I’ve come to know is one who reaches out to those who are especially filthy; to those who feel the most unworthy. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that our sexual transgressions are what make us unworthy in the eyes of God.
In fact, it would appear that the things which disgust God the most are things like pride and religiosity, the pointing of fingers at ‘sinners’ without first examining one’s own heart. Jesus seemed to chill with the prostitutes more than with the religious leaders of the day. Maybe the prostitutes had a unique view of God’s grace in a way the religious leaders never did with all their rules and laws and judgment…
Problem #2: Sexuality isn’t the only category of holiness
A couple months ago, I was in a thrift store thinking deeply (We’ve all been there…) when a simple yet profound line came to me:
He is no better a Christian who can control his penis but not his angry thoughts, his gossiping tongue or his worrying heart.
If you grew up in the church, your mentality may persuade you to believe that you are fulfilling your Christian duties by keeping it in your pants until marriage and maybe even reading your Bible every now and then. Some pockets of American Christianity have put so much emphasis on sexual ethics that the rest of the scope of Christianity has been mitigated to the back burner. Things like work, money, missions, friendship, food, and justice have taken second seat to the mammoth topic of Christian sexual ethics.
We would much rather debate about “How far is too far with my boyfriend?” than discuss how the Church can work toward ending human trafficking, or how we can make our inner-city neighborhoods safer.
Have you worked on growing in holiness in all areas of your life?
Keeping yourself sexually pure is a noble and admirable feat, and all Christians should strive for it (inside and outside of marriage…one needs to remain sexually pure even after the wedding day and remain faithful to their betrothed). But have we focused on this one topic to the neglect of other categories of holiness?
Do we still lust for more money and nicer possessions?
Are we generous with the money we do have, or do we spend it solely on ourselves, improving the quality of our own lives?