By Christine Suhan
It’s been a while since I’ve admired you so. The ease and comfort at which you’ve softened yourself to me is as refreshing as a crisp autumn air after a long, hot summer. I’m in awe of you.
After years of us drifting apart, I began to lose hope for our future but I, the persistent one, with my sultry voice and mysterious sway drew you back in. And you, with your callous heart and tear stained eyes grew to need me again. You turned to me for comfort and I so readily obliged.
I’ve been here. I’ve been waiting for you to come back to me.
You amaze me, you know, with your blood shot eyes and a blazing hot fire rushing through your veins. I love when you get angry at him. He deserves it. He betrayed you again. You can’t trust him like you can me; I will never betray you. I continuously feed you illusive thoughts that keep your soul and spirit lit with a passion only I can appreciate. And I do so appreciate the rage that builds inside of you as you watch him steadily ruin you.
I help you keep track of his flaws and I remind you of them every chance I get.
He snapped at you again.
He worked late for the third time this week.
He left a pile of dishes in your room.
He forgot to take the trash out.
The lawn remains unkempt.
He yelled at the kids again.
He spent money on needless items.
His dirty socks remain scattered around the otherwise clean floor.
He missed that crucial appointment.
He abandoned you to golf with friends, AGAIN.
He forgot your anniversary.
The list goes on and on, too many transgressions for you to remember. But it’s okay, dearest wife. If you keep me close, I’ll keep score for you. I don’t ever miss a beat.
I love when your focus is locked on his destruction, when you can’t see anything but his faults. Your negativity feeds me, it nourishes me and I delight in your misery.
Lately, I’ve been urging you to compare your marriage to those around you and you’ve so eloquently indulged. They seem perfect. They look happy. I whisper thoughts into your mind that you entertain. You could have what they have if you left your husband. Or maybe you could just have fun on the side, no one would know. You can cheat on him because he deserves it, he hasn’t been a good husband.
I am pleased with your ability to so effortlessly pique the interest of other men. You often don’t even know your persuasive power, but I do. I’m watching you and relishing in your playful side. I plant seeds of doubt that make you wonder if your husband is flirting with other women. That seed grows until I eventually have you convinced that, as handsome as he is, he’d be a fool not to wander.
My seductive whispers cause you to fight repeatedly with him and this, dearest wife, is when I’m most satisfied with you. It fills me in a way I can’t describe to see you cutting him the words you know tear open the deepest of scars. You are a good fighter, I’ve taught you well. And when the guilt and remorse creep up, I remind you that your anger is justified and you are doing what you need to in order to survive. Self-preservation is what we call it, and you preserve yourself so well.
I don’t want you to leave me again, I need you to stay close. Your husband’s apologies are shallow but you don’t see them as such. I feel you drifting again and it scares me. I need you to know how much I love you and desperately can’t stand when you to shut me out.
Come back to me, dearest wife.
We need each other.
With love from your biggest fan,
About the Author: Christine Suhan is a wife, stay at home mother to three wild toddler boys and writer/creator at www.feelingsandfaith.net. She has a master’s degree in marriage and family therapy and enjoys helping people through openly and honestly sharing her journey of life, recovery, mental illness, marriage, parenting and more. You can also find her on her Facebook page.