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Why You Must Feel Sorrow to Experience Joy

Because of Jesus, we have every reason to be known as people of deep hope and joy. But does that mean we are going to be running around singing and dancing and smiling every moment of our lives? Are you able to? Am I? Is that what it means to “rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice”? (Phil 4:4 esv).

I hope by now that you know I don’t think so. If we were only doing that, skipping around with glee, we would be a people whose character is an inch deep, refusing to live with honesty and integrity. Remember, hard times come, and you must be willing to be present in them and feel the sorrow they bring in order to have joy. Your capacity to feel the one affects your capacity to experience the other. The two are connected. A soul deadened to the pain of the world and to your own life is numb to the joy available to you as well. As George MacDonald wrote, “Beauty and sadness always go together.”

These days, I am experiencing joy increasingly. It sometimes feels like a fire in my chest. I have known my sorrows, just as you have. My temptation is to run from them, fearing that allowing myself to fully experience them will overwhelm me. They are a tidal wave, and I don’t know how to swim. But then the sorrow refuses to be ignored or stuffed or numbed or run from any longer. I must stop and give it space, allow the sorrow and sadness a voice. To feel it.

Here’s a secret: Our feelings have a life span. When we allow ourselves to fully feel our grief — to embrace it rather than shun it — the feeling of relief and release comes more quickly than we could imagine. The wave shrinks. We are buoyed by it. The sea calms. And we realize we did not drown. It won’t destroy us.

We were created for Eden, yet we live in the valley of the shadow of death. Of course we ache. That’s normal.

It touches all our lives: The shades of sorrow. The loneliness of loss. The emptiness and accusation of unfulfilled desires. The shame we feel when we brush up against life not going as it was meant to in the most minor of ways. The agony that overwhelms when we encounter beauty and the ache that rises in our hearts feels mocking rather than hopeful. The desperate fight to enter a new day when you do not know how you will be able to survive it, let alone live it well. The questions that taunt. The doubts that surface. The unexplained pain. The knowledge that everyone you love and everything you enjoy continues to change before your very eyes, time slipping through your fingers.

Stasi Eldredge
Stasi Eldredge
Stasi Eldredge is a New York Times bestselling author, and her books have sold nearly 3 million copies and changed women's lives all over the world. A teacher and conference speaker, Stasi is the director of the women's ministry at Ransomed Heart and leads Captivating retreats internationally. Her passion is to see lives transformed by the beauty of the gospel. She and her family make their home in Colorado Springs, Colorado.

Toddler Hugs the Pizza Delivery Man Who’d Recently Lost His Daughter

Since the pandemic, delivery workers have increased exponentially, from delivery of groceries to take out to the classic delivery: pizza. And these delivery people...

Son Rushed to ER for ‘Breathing Funny’—Then Mom Finds Out Who Her Ex-Husband Left Him Alone With

They told me his injuries were consistent with shaken baby syndrome. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. My ex husband left our son with that woman even after he promised he wouldn't.

Sisters’ Hilarious Video Confession to Late Mom Has the Internet Rolling

Sisters Sara Wollner and Katie Wiggins are finding new ways to grieve after losing their mom Karen to pancreatic cancer in 2022. In November, they filmed a hilarious viral video with confessions to their late mom.