This post is for the wife who is ready to bolt. The one who’s fed up and sick of feeling alone. I agree it’s unfair that you are disregarded. I feel so strongly about it because I was once there, but the strange thing is . . . I can barely recall it.
Things have changed so much in my marriage that it’s hard to picture how miserable I felt as an unhappy wife. I get chills down my spine when I think about how close we were to quitting. At this moment, as I type this post, I’m waiting for my husband to return from a business trip, and I happen to be counting the hours until I see his face. I am so glad we ended up in this place.
There are so many reasons to stay
This is the guy I fell head over heels for when I was eighteen. This is the guy I waited for while he served two years in Korea while in the Air Force. He’s the one I grew into adulthood with. He’s the one who occupies my best memories. He’s the father of my children. Those children love us both and I want them to enjoy us without dealing with the fallout of divorce. I want to enjoy my grandchildren with my husband. He and I are the ones who made them, after all.
People like to say, “Don’t stay for the children.” Well, why the heck not? They are only my flesh and blood and dearer to me than anything on this earth. God doesn’t ditch me when I treat him horrible. So I want to reflect that kind of love to my husband and my kids. Call me crazy, but knowing God is with me no matter what inspires me to love my husband and children that way.
Feelings are a pathetic measuring stick
I talked with a lady at the park the other day who told me she has been a wife for 20 years. She told me that she thought about getting a divorce 11 years into the marriage because she was so unhappy. She felt ignored and unappreciated. She was totally fed up with being a wife. I asked her if she was glad she stayed married; she told me she was. 100 percent.
I asked her what changed through the course of their relationship that made such a positive change. She told me that it was the tough times that drew them close. They realized they needed each other in order to face the world, which can be pretty harsh. They wanted their children to have a refuge to come to when things got crazy for them. She told me she wasn’t giving in to her emotions. Her feelings were not going to steer her anywhere.
What do we base our decisions on?
Even though they came to a point where there was very little affection and no feelings of love, they stuck it out. They stayed. Does this sound like misery? Is it cruel to expect two people who happen to be unhappy to stay together? What if one spouse is unhappy and the other spouse still feels in love? Who do we defer to? We have to base our marriage on something more solid than our feelings.