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To the Unhappy Wife Who’s Ready to Run

This post is for the wife who is ready to bolt. The one who’s fed up and sick of feeling alone. I agree it’s unfair that you are disregarded. I feel so strongly about it because I was once there, but the strange thing is . . . I can barely recall it.

Things have changed so much in my marriage that it’s hard to picture how miserable I felt as an unhappy wife. I get chills down my spine when I think about how close we were to quitting. At this moment, as I type this post, I’m waiting for my husband to return from a business trip, and I happen to be counting the hours until I see his face. I am so glad we ended up in this place.

There are so many reasons to stay

This is the guy I fell head over heels for when I was eighteen. This is the guy I waited for while he served two years in Korea while in the Air Force. He’s the one I grew into adulthood with. He’s the one who occupies my best memories. He’s the father of my children. Those children love us both and I want them to enjoy us without dealing with the fallout of divorce. I want to enjoy my grandchildren with my husband. He and I are the ones who made them, after all.

People like to say, “Don’t stay for the children.” Well, why the heck not? They are only my flesh and blood and dearer to me than anything on this earth. God doesn’t ditch me when I treat him horrible. So I want to reflect that kind of love to my husband and my kids. Call me crazy, but knowing God is with me no matter what inspires me to love my husband and children that way.

Feelings are a pathetic measuring stick

I talked with a lady at the park the other day who told me she has been a wife for 20 years. She told me that she thought about getting a divorce 11 years into the marriage because she was so unhappy. She felt ignored and unappreciated. She was totally fed up with being a wife. I asked her if she was glad she stayed married; she told me she was. 100 percent.

I asked her what changed through the course of their relationship that made such a positive change. She told me that it was the tough times that drew them close. They realized they needed each other in order to face the world, which can be pretty harsh. They wanted their children to have a refuge to come to when things got crazy for them. She told me she wasn’t giving in to her emotions. Her feelings were not going to steer her anywhere.

What do we base our decisions on?

Even though they came to a point where there was very little affection and no feelings of love, they stuck it out. They stayed. Does this sound like misery? Is it cruel to expect two people who happen to be unhappy to stay together? What if one spouse is unhappy and the other spouse still feels in love? Who do we defer to? We have to base our marriage on something more solid than our feelings.

Michelle Lindsey
Michelle Lindsey
Michelle Lindsey is a Jesus-loving wife of more than two decades and a homeschooling mom of four who blogs about what happens when romance meets reality (with her adult daughter!) at Nitty Gritty Love. You can find more Nitty Gritty Love on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Instagram.

WATCH: Sisters Sing Bone-Chilling Easter Rendition of Leonard Cohen’s ‘Hallelujah’

The young sisters from Fort Frances, Ontario sing an Easter rendition of Leonard Cohen's famous "Hallelujah," that is so beautiful, it'll bring tears to your eyes.

What Is Maundy Thursday?—How to Celebrate During Holy Week

As we celebrate Holy Week, the week leading up to Easter, you may start to wonder, what is Maundy Thursday? Three days before Easter, we come to Maundy Thursday. "Maundy" comes from the Latin word "mandatum," meaning command, order, or commission.

Abby & Brittany: Conjoined Twin Abby Hensel is Married!

They’re the most famous conjoined twins in the world, and now Abby Hensel, of the duo Abby and Brittany, is now married!