If parents more often held their tongues and waited it out, they’d be shocked at how often their kids can successfully reach their own conclusions. Being heard is powerfully therapeutic, and it allows us to think things through and reach a solution.
Kids want and need to be heard, and feel understood. Just like the rest of us.
7 | Have an identity outside of your child.
Many of us often claim that our children are our world, and this is certainly true in our hearts. In terms of daily life however, parents need to have more. We need to nurture the friendships, passions and hobbies that make us who we are as individuals.
Doing this can feel like a battle, as our protective anxieties try to convince us our children can’t be without us, and also that we can’t be without them. But we can be, and need to be, in order to stay sane, and avoid saddling our kids with the task of meeting all of our emotional needs.
8 | Understand that actions speak louder than words.
The way you interact with your child and live your life will be your child’s greatest teacher. Kids are incredibly observant and way more intuitive than we give them credit for. They are always watching.
This can be slightly inconvenient for parents, but if we’re able to keep it in mind, knowing our children are watching our actions will not only teach them how to behave, but it will make us better people.
9 | Recognize that connection, fun, and creativity are the best ways to promote positive behaviors and a cooperative attitude.
Fear and control aren’t effective long-term teachers for our kids. While those dynamics may appear effective in the short-term, they won’t equip our kids with a strong moral compass, or effective problem-solving skills.
If our child feels valued as a person based on our interactions with them, they will naturally learn to value others and have the confidence to make good choices.
10 | Set the overall goal to shape a child’s heart and not just their behavior.
We often get the impression from the world around us that the goal of parenting is to produce a compliant, well-behaved child. While these are certainly desirable qualities for most parents, they are not core qualities that contribute to a happy and healthy human.
Helping our children understand the importance of their thoughts and emotions gives them coping and relationship skills. Skills that will protect and guide them throughout their lives.
Changing our parenting habits and styles is never easy, but if it’s truly in the best interest of our children, it’ll always be worth it.
**This article originally appeared on Parents With Confidence. By Angela Pruess.