You may be thinking there’s no way so few words can even touch on such a huge topic. My husband disagrees. When I texted him for his three words, he replied he only needed two: Yes, Dear.
Maybe it’s not the amount of words you’re worried about. Maybe you’re wondering if words alone can really change anything.
Think about your relationships with your parents, children, spouse, or friends. The people you’re close to often, with what they say, carry the power to hurt or heal. To make you hate them or love them. To make you feel good or bad about where you stand in their lives.
What wife wouldn’t want to soak in these words? “You have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride; you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace” (Song of Solomon 4:9 NIV).
What husband wouldn’t smile to hear this from his wife? “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—for your love is more delightful than wine” (Song of Solomon 1:2).
These descriptions may be thousands of years old, but what theses verses convey to our spouse holds true today. They say I love you. I care about you. You’re special. You’re important. I’m glad you’re mine.
Sometimes we forget our spouse needs validation and our marriage needs time and energy. Life happens, and we get busy. Overcommit to things outside of each other. Get sidetracked by demanding jobs or high-maintenance kids or unexpected or tough situations. But the farther we drift from each, the more the glue in our relationship loosens and the easier it is to keep moving apart.
Many people will tell you that marriage takes two. God says a strong marriage takes three. “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:12).
I’m so glad that, just like in our walk with Him, He doesn’t expect us to do this marriage thing alone. If I’ve learned one rock-solid truth in twenty-six years of being with my husband, it’s that a long-term relationship is hard. Without God as our binding agent, our mediator, and our go-to intervention, my husband and I would not still share the same last name.
I’m not sure where you are or what kind of marriage you’re in. You may be closer to your honeymoon than an empty nest or somewhere in between. You may be holding hands, grateful for each other. You may be sleeping in separate bedrooms, wondering how much longer you’ll be a couple, and forget a marriage taking three, you feel as if there’s barely one. I’ve been there. And while they aren’t any fast fixes to a relationship gone wrong, know that God sees you where you are, and He wants to work in your life. I’ve been there too.
Whether you’re making your way toward a reconciliation or learning to love each other more, growing a good marriage isn’t a one-shot deal, it’s an ongoing process. The three words I try to say to my husband just might surprise you, but here they are—YES. NO. And MAYBE.
YES
Yes, I will actively listen when you talk.
Sometimes I forget what you have to say is important. I am your confident, your safe place, your friend. You can tell me anything. You can trust me to listen.
Yes, I will pray for God to change our marriage by changing ME.
I’ve learned that when I need more affection, more time, more respect, more of you, if I pray for the desire to give those things first, we both change for the better.
Yes, I will be there for you no matter what.
You can count on me even when I’m exhausted or struggling or angry with you. It’s a privilege to be part of “you and I.” You are my team, and I’ve got your back.
Do everything in love. 1 Corinthians 16:14
NO
No, I won’t hold a grudge.
