It was a bright, sunny Sunday morning and church service had just let out. A visiting pastor was showing off his new motorcycle to a large group from the congregation in the church’s parking lot. He rode around in circles, demonstrating its wide range of motion, and revved the engine to show off its power. A young lady in the crowd requested a ride. Without hesitation, the young pastor agreed.
She hopped on the passenger seat directly behind him, wrapped her arms around his waist while grabbing firmly. She rested her head against the upper of his back, while it was evident by the look on her face that she was trying her best to maintain her physical composure. The pastor took the young lady around the church’s block and wasn’t gone more than three minutes. He returned to the large group, and the young lady hopped off.
A few months later it was revealed they had had an affair together.
The pastor opened up about the affair shortly after, disclosing much of it to his closest friends and colleagues. One of the first questions asked was when did he realize the interaction with the young lady was inappropriate. The pastor said that the moment she touched him; that is, the moment the young lady sat down on the motorcycle and wrapped her arms tightly around his waist, he knew he would pursue an affair with her.
A moment of touch ended in devastation for this pastor’s marriage and this young lady’s reputation.
Touch is not in and of itself evil, for as we know, babies need touch to grow and many men and women receive love and affirmation through physical touch, however, if not stewarded well, touch can send unintentional and undesired messages to the opposite sex.
Not all communication is verbal.
Many would argue that they can individually control the messages they are sending to the opposite sex.
Unfortunately, they are wrong.
Though we can make every effort to be intentional with how we create our messages, we cannot control how someone is going to interpret those messages. Just as touch bridged the gap for infidelity to poke its nasty head in the case of the pastor and young lady, there are countless other nonverbal factors that if not stewarded well, have the potential to lead to marital infidelity.
Affair Proof Your Marriage: Resist Crossing These 4 Nonverbal Communication Boundaries
1.) Gaze
We’ve all flirted with the opposite sex at some point or another.
Catching their eyes is sometimes a game. When one looks up at the suspecting gazer, often times they then immediately look down, only to look up again intentionally to let you know they notice you noticing them. Whether sitting across the room or directly in front of them, maintaining consistent eye contact can arouse our emotions, both relational and sexual.
This can be devastating to marriage when eye contact is used to achieve these ends.
When manipulated, consistent eye contact with someone of the opposite sex other than a spouse may encourage an invite to chat. Once the two are together in a conversation, topics may begin innocently, which once again, in and of itself is not immoral, but often times innocent topics lead to discussing topics that typically are reserved for spouses, such as feelings and desires.
This type of conversation is exponentially increased when conversation is taken to social media and private chat conversations that provide a false sense of security.
As I’ve explored in a previous article, text communication provides a false sense of security; a blanket almost, falsely protecting you from damages to your real-world marriage.
So what can you do? Monitor your eye gaze. This is something I have had to work on simply with my observation tendencies.
