The First 15 Years Were Hard—Because I Was Looking at Marriage the Wrong Way

Looking back, I can see the problem wasn’t my husband—it was me.

I was selfish.
I was demanding.
I was brimming with unrealistic expectations.
I believed marriage was about what he could do for me instead of how I could serve him.

It took years of struggle before I finally understood:

If I wanted my marriage to change, I had to change first.

God Cares About Your Marriage

Whether you’re in a season of struggle or smooth sailing, God cares deeply about the condition of your marriage.

He’s a redeemer, but here’s the hard truth:

He will ask YOU to change before He changes your marriage.

Now, after 25 years of marriage, three kids, two major illnesses, a cross-country move, and a whole lot of life, I’ve learned a few things about what it means to be a good spouse.

5 Ways to Know If You’re a Good Spouse

1. Get Real with Your Expectations

The world tells us:
✔ You deserve to be happy.
✔ Your spouse should make you happy.
✔ They should know exactly how to love you—without ever being taught.

But here’s the truth:

Only God can bring true joy.
Only God knows your every need.
Your spouse is human—not a mind reader.

When I stopped expecting my husband to be God, I started to love him for who he really was. And that changed everything.

Shift your focus off yourself and onto your spouse. Marriage isn’t about what you get—it’s about what you give.

2. Be a Safe Haven

Life is hard. Jobs. Kids. Finances. Health struggles. Unexpected heartbreaks.

The world is filled with negativity, criticism, and pressure.

Your spouse needs a safe place to land—not another battlefield.

My role as a good spouse isn’t to tear down—it’s to lift up.

✔ Speak words of encouragement.
✔ Show kindness.
✔ Be a place of peace in their storm.

Your home should be a refuge, not a war zone.